Pixels - An Affront to Videogames and Gamers

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Dear Mr. Ron Whitaker,

Here is a challenge for you:

Make a list of Top 8 Adam Sandler movie.

Ready, set, GO!

Johnny Novgorod:
I get the feeling most of the outrage comes from gamers being offended rather than being critical of a bad movie. Nobody batted an eye at Blended, which is probably just as bad. But since it had nothing to do with games...

No kidding, gamers really do blow up at anything that paints them in a less that stunning light nowadays don't they?

OT: Frankly I never gave a crap about this movie. And even now with all the bad reviews being thrown at it, the most I can feel is mild curiosity. That and "OH CHRIST PETER DINKLIEGE! YOU'RE TYRION FUCKING LANNISTER, YOU DESERVE BETTER!"

Lufia Erim:

tippy2k2:
What I still don't get (and maybe the movie explains it but I sure as hell will never find out) is why would they choose these guys to do all the games?

I get that they were good at video games...but these aren't video games. They use video game mechanics but if I had to choose between Adam Sandler and a world class athlete to play Donkey Kong in real life to determine the fate of the world, I'm choosing the world class athlete over the guy who looks like he'd lose his breath climbing the first ladder. Being good at video games isn't going to get you to jump over that barrel...

Are you sure? I mean sure you COULD choose world class athelete, but they don't know the mechanics of these games. I'd pick the gamer for the sole purpose that, even if they aren't phsically fit, they have an idea of what they are suppose to be doing, and worst case scenerio, can find way around any physical limitation they have.

It's kind like the first time you play a board game and aren't familiar with the rules. Unless you are really lucky, you're going to lose

100% absolutely positively YES YES YES, give me the world class athlete over any of those guys.

(Note: I still have not and in all likeliness will never see Pixels, I am going off of the trailer for this):

Did PacMan teach Adam Sandler how to be a world class race car driver? Did Cenepede teach Josh Gad how to aim, reload, and fire a weapon? Did Donkey Kong teach Peter Dinklage how to jump over barrels?

I know we like to think games are a super awesome skill but seven year old tippy2k2 was playing Donkey Kong and PacMan and Centipede; video games are not a tough skill to learn. From the trailer, it looks like Dinklage was in jail and that had to have taken at least a few hours to get him out; I'm pretty sure you could have a few world class athletes figure out how Donkey Kong works in a few hours.

Hell, worst case scenario, there's bound to be a couple of professional race car drivers, marksmen from the Army, and...uh....anyone with more than a two foot vertical leap who is also a gamer, right?

I knew this would be crap, and honestly even if it had been great, the premise doesn't interest me.

I liked The Wedding Singer, there ends my positive relationship with Sandler.

Gad is like a knife in my joy, I can't stand him in any capacity. The more I'm exposed to him the more annoyed I get, just like kryptonite for humor.

I just watched cinemasins do Mario Bros. movie, and it brought back all the pain of having watched it that one time as a kid all over again. Bad as it is, an insult to the senses and your greater intelligence as well, as least it didn't have Josh Gad in it. That puts it ahead of Pixels right there.

So... Would I enjoy this if I can leave my politics behind when watching entertainment media? I mean, I'm sure this is a great review for Identity Politicians but what about those of us that give no fucks about that stuff?

SecondPrize:
So... Would I enjoy this if I can leave my politics behind when watching entertainment media? I mean, I'm sure this is a great review for Identity Politicians but what about those of us that give no fucks about that stuff?

I'm wondering the same thing. Also, love that term: "Identity Politicians" gonna start using it.

Even if the movie is bad, I still can't trust the new Escapist reviewer to review the movie beyond his own narrow perspective....stopped clocks are always right twice a day, after all.

SecondPrize:
So... Would I enjoy this if I can leave my politics behind when watching entertainment media? I mean, I'm sure this is a great review for Identity Politicians but what about those of us that give no fucks about that stuff?

camazotz:
I' wondering the same thing. Also, love that term: "Identity Politicians" gonna start using it.

I think you can enjoy this movie for the spectacle of it all, even if the premise has been done "better" by either the short the movie's based on or from Futurama's Tales of Interest II, and I do believe that Jake Martinez did give this movie a positive overview in general...

So, take of that as you will, I guess...

tippy2k2:

Lufia Erim:

tippy2k2:
What I still don't get (and maybe the movie explains it but I sure as hell will never find out) is why would they choose these guys to do all the games?

I get that they were good at video games...but these aren't video games. They use video game mechanics but if I had to choose between Adam Sandler and a world class athlete to play Donkey Kong in real life to determine the fate of the world, I'm choosing the world class athlete over the guy who looks like he'd lose his breath climbing the first ladder. Being good at video games isn't going to get you to jump over that barrel...

Are you sure? I mean sure you COULD choose world class athelete, but they don't know the mechanics of these games. I'd pick the gamer for the sole purpose that, even if they aren't phsically fit, they have an idea of what they are suppose to be doing, and worst case scenerio, can find way around any physical limitation they have.

It's kind like the first time you play a board game and aren't familiar with the rules. Unless you are really lucky, you're going to lose

100% absolutely positively YES YES YES, give me the world class athlete over any of those guys.

(Note: I still have not and in all likeliness will never see Pixels, I am going off of the trailer for this):

Did PacMan teach Adam Sandler how to be a world class race car driver? Did Cenepede teach Josh Gad how to aim, reload, and fire a weapon? Did Donkey Kong teach Peter Dinklage how to jump over barrels?

I know we like to think games are a super awesome skill but seven year old tippy2k2 was playing Donkey Kong and PacMan and Centipede; video games are not a tough skill to learn. From the trailer, it looks like Dinklage was in jail and that had to have taken at least a few hours to get him out; I'm pretty sure you could have a few world class athletes figure out how Donkey Kong works in a few hours.

Hell, worst case scenario, there's bound to be a couple of professional race car drivers, marksmen from the Army, and...uh....anyone with more than a two foot vertical leap who is also a gamer, right?

Yeah, there's nothing in this scenario where pro gaming skills actually mean much, maybe said pro athletes/soldiers/drivers would benefit from pro gamers giving them a rundown of how the original games mechanics worked, or even working as an adviser over a radio to the people in the field, but video games in the 80's weren't exactly subtly complex, they were designed to be quickly picked up and played in short bursts without much instruction.

Especially since these senarios don't even follow the original games all that closely, knowing how the different ghosts AI worked in Pacman doesn't help at all since the humans are playing the ghosts so they have no idea how pacman is going to act, knowing that power pellets make pacman able to eat ghosts isn't exactly a complex concept that would outweigh putting a professional driver behind the wheel of the ghost cars.

Even then, the movie seems to abandon following game rules as they can just blow up monsters with those strange four-barreled energy weapons. So the whole premise of needing professional gamers is abandoned in favor of Call of Duty style shoot-em-up mechanics. That might be where MovieBob's criticism of the main character eschewing his old school gaming skills for a modern attitude of, do whatever to survive, comes from. Not a terrible idea for a character arc, learning to sacrifice linear thinking and habit to save those around you and overcome unconventional problems, but it just kind of reinforces the pointlessness of needing professional gamers to do any of this.

Didn't the aliens/pixels win in the original short? Such a pity. I think I might have been willing to pay a few bucks to see the usual Adam Sandler character getting eaten.

Casual Shinji:
Unfortunately, no matter how shit, his movies bring in the dough. And that will always carry the most weight in Hollywood.

Mm, not always. Jack and Jill apparently didn't make back budget, nor I think did Eight Crazy Nights. And That's My Boy was a total trainwreck.

More often than they should? Definitely. Sandler's total willingness to shill for any product whose company will chip in covers a regrettable number of sins, finance-wise. But I still live in hope that, however gradually, Hollywood is catching on to the idea that he can't just throw any old crap up on the screen and bank on it.

Unfortunately, I don't think Pixels is going to help sell that story. It seems to be doing okay, so far. Hopefully it has short legs.

erttheking:
That and "OH CHRIST PETER DINKLIEGE! YOU'RE TYRION FUCKING LANNISTER, YOU DESERVE BETTER!"

Not sure if that's a spelling mistake or the cleverest pun ever :P

Gorfias:

canadamus_prime:
I was insulted just watching the trailer. Sandler has reached the point where if you see his name attached to a film you should automatically know it's going to be bad.

Oh the humanity. The freaking thing still topped the charts Friday: http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/

There is a God. The Friday's numbers were an aberration. Ant-Man wins the weekend, Pixels labeled a flop. (http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/07/26/us-usa-boxoffice-idUSKCN0Q00MV20150726)

I watched the movie yesterday because by cousins and friends were so hyped for it. There were few decent scenes, but the whole movie in general was so cringe worthy, it was painful to watch. It's like they wanted the "gamer" audience, but only halfway through making the movie they decided that they don't want the "gamer" audience but rather people who would laugh at the "gamer" audience. That and the whole "us gamers, huh" vibe it gives out... truly painful. They had a freaking army of well trained soldier. Guys who are fit, know how to aim, "play" in team and follow orders, yet they picked the "arcaders" because of reasons.

The Centipede game was one of the worst parts. 50 fucking soldier shooting the centipade, everyone misses 99% of the times. Sandler picks up the light gun and hits literally every single time.
And then level two, Jesus fucking Christ. The first level when the soldier were shooting, the centipedes were avoiding, moving zig-zag. But level two with only Sandler and the wonder kid shooting, the go straight down, no avoiding, nothing. Just shoot in a single spot, they will hit everything.

And how does being good at PacMan mean you are a F1 driver? Or at the ball where the chick says how Sandler would be better at creating technology than installing it. Why did she say that? He didn't do absolutely anything. She created the tech, she did everything, he was only freaking shooting and driving. And suddenly she knows he's a genius in the tech world? For playing video games?

I mean, I knew it's gonna be bad. I don't want to jump on the Sandler hatewagon, but he really is a bad actor and most of his movies are simply bad.

AyaReiko:

Gorfias:

canadamus_prime:
I was insulted just watching the trailer. Sandler has reached the point where if you see his name attached to a film you should automatically know it's going to be bad.

Oh the humanity. The freaking thing still topped the charts Friday: http://www.boxofficemojo.com/daily/chart/

There is a God. The Friday's numbers were an aberration. Ant-Man wins the weekend, Pixels labeled a flop. (http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/07/26/us-usa-boxoffice-idUSKCN0Q00MV20150726)

OH SWEET HEAVEN! There is a chance the right will be in victory! THanks AyaReiko, you appear to be correct.

008Zulu:
An Adam Sandler movie that sucks. Stop the press. I feel very bad for Netflix.

If this story is any indication, his NetFlix films are going to be an order of magnitude worse.
Native actors walk off set of Adam Sandler's Netflix movie
Highlights:

This week a dozen Native actors walked off the set of Adam Sandler's Netflix movie The Ridiculous Six. Not because it's an Adam Sandler movie, but because they found the level of offensiveness unbearable.

[...]

"The examples of disrespect included Native women's names such as Beaver's Breath and No Bra, an actress portraying an Apache woman squatting and urinating while smoking a peace pipe, and feathers inappropriately positioned on a teepee."

AyaReiko:
If this story is any indication, his NetFlix films are going to be an order of magnitude worse.

I hope they find some legal loophole so they can break their contract with him. I don't want to see Daredevil cancelled because they lost money.

I noticed that at no point did you mention that Peter Dinklage starred in this abortion. Can't really blame you for trying to ignore that fact.

The movie really is bad. Being aimed at Gamers, it just... fails to even give the games themselves, or modern games, any sort of real respect. Plus it's just inconsistent, Sandler doesn't even try, his character is consistently worshiped, and it's painfully unfunny most of the time.

Pissed me off when they said modern games are just random and don't have any patterns, ergo they suck, and taking a shot at The Last of Us as they did it. And I just wanted to flip out, but you know kids, because it's painfully wrong, even if combat is far more complex then sidescrolling or eating pellets.

Guess I will stay home and watch Ghostbusters and Wreck-It Ralph.

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