Pan - Some Things Shouldn't Exist

Pan - Some Things Shouldn't Exist

Pan is an origin story for Peter Pan, which begs the question: Who wanted one of those?

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Oh, and get this: "Smells like Teen Spirit" and "Blitzkrieg Bop" are both sung in this film, which I'd like to repeat is set in the 1940s.

And here I thought Destiny's use of Led Zeppelin in their trailers was bad. Hearing "Black Dog" while futuristic space magicians charge down a lunar slope with guns blazing was...a little odd.

I'm not sure whose idea it was to play Nirvana in this movie, but at least he would've gotten a chuckle out of me if I had gone to see it.

"Evil pirate Blackbeard."

You know what's funny? All reliable accounts suggest that Blackbeard was actually a really nice guy, treated prisoners well, rewarded his crew appropriately, avoided killing when he could. He just pushed rumors about his terror to scare people into surrendering to him.

I know this is only barely relevant to the movie, but the movie is only barely relevant to anything worth talking about, so . . . yeah.

I don't know about the specifics, but I'm pretty sure Pan and Hook's enmity is directly related to the loss of the latter's hand to a certain colossal crocodile. I'm more interested in how a teenager (Hook) becomes 30-40 years old in a location whose primary conceit is that people don't age in it.
If a sequel for this DOES get a green light, I hope they get Christopher Walken on board to play the adult Hook, as it's my understanding that he was the highlight of last year's live performance on NBC.

ccggenius12:
I don't know about the specifics, but I'm pretty sure Pan and Hook's enmity is directly related to the loss of the latter's hand to a certain colossal crocodile. I'm more interested in how a teenager (Hook) becomes 30-40 years old in a location whose primary conceit is that people don't age in it.
If a sequel for this DOES get a green light, I hope they get Christopher Walken on board to play the adult Hook, as it's my understanding that he was the highlight of last year's live performance on NBC.

Not to mention how Tiger Lily reverse ages to become Pan's age as Hook grows older...

I hate Peter Bastard Fucking Pan. For a minute, I thought that was Christopher Walken in one of the pictures. Alas, Hugh Jackman. Oh well...

*reads first paragraph* OK, I'm gonna have to stop you there, and ask you to read Peter and the Starcatchers. It's a bit Young Adult-y in ways, and more of a re-imagining than a prequel, but the writers actually bothered to create an original story and mythos that's unique enough that you might start to wonder at times how it's all supposed to lead up to the Peter Pan story we know, and gave them material for three sequels (the last of which, admittedly, kind of goes off the rails and completes the transition from prequel to reboot in ways I don't want to spoil).

As soon as I saw the commercial for this one, where they reveal that this is yet another story where the hero only does anything because everyone tells him it's his destiny to do so, and there's a prophecy that the bad guy knows about and is trying to subvert, I was like "Yeah fuck that noise". Seriously, did all the wildfires in California release a bunch of radioactive material into the air that gave everyone in Hollywood massive brain tumors or something? It's one thing to be obsessed with remakes and adaptations and sequels and stuff that's believed to be a "sure thing" (although we've seen enough of all three turn into massive failures that you'd think they would see a pattern by now), but to keep recycling the exact same tired premise for every franchise... what supposed evidence are they going on that audiences even like this stuff?

Yeah, still probably gonna see it.

Zeconte:

ccggenius12:
I don't know about the specifics, but I'm pretty sure Pan and Hook's enmity is directly related to the loss of the latter's hand to a certain colossal crocodile. I'm more interested in how a teenager (Hook) becomes 30-40 years old in a location whose primary conceit is that people don't age in it.
If a sequel for this DOES get a green light, I hope they get Christopher Walken on board to play the adult Hook, as it's my understanding that he was the highlight of last year's live performance on NBC.

Not to mention how Tiger Lily reverse ages to become Pan's age as Hook grows older...

I'm also curious as to how she turns into an Indian.

But yeah... I was completely turned-off to this movie the instant they started talking about how the necklace he wears marks him as the prophesied blurbitty blurbitty blur.

I wasn't going to watch because the producers weren't going to donate anything to the Great Ormond Street Hospital like every other movie did. Glad I never needed a reason in the first place.

So, in summary, another lazily developed movie vaguely aiming at a kind of kid demographic; but missing out on any of the actual spark and enjoyment that actually makes a GOOD kid aimed movie. Goddamn, I almost deluded myself into thinking that this one could at least be interesting. Not just another creative wash.

And I guess that means that Hook is still the only decent live-action, peter pan inspired movie. God help us - the materials there, its such a shame no one does anything good with it.

I've never understood the desire to make Pan a heroic figure.

He's basically an evil deity, or, at the very least, a neutral one. He can imagine things into existence, is supremely talented in all things, and is effectively immortal. He's a god pretending to be a child. And because the passage of time only seems to exist in Neverland if you notice it, he wipes away his own memories so he can stay childlike forever.

As for the Lost Boys, he basically whisks away "abandoned" children and forces them to live as eternally youthful playmates to satisfy his own need for friends. They either stay young forever like him, or get old enough that they have to leave.

Holy Crap! Peter Pan is a Marvel Comics character!
Hey Spider-Man fans, remember Flash Thompson's girlfriend, Sha Shan. The one he brought back after serving in Vietnam.
No? That's okay because neither does Flash.

Peter Pan retcons away his own life and anything that might remind him of his true age gets booted out of Neverland.

WhiteTigerShiro:

Zeconte:

ccggenius12:
I don't know about the specifics, but I'm pretty sure Pan and Hook's enmity is directly related to the loss of the latter's hand to a certain colossal crocodile. I'm more interested in how a teenager (Hook) becomes 30-40 years old in a location whose primary conceit is that people don't age in it.
If a sequel for this DOES get a green light, I hope they get Christopher Walken on board to play the adult Hook, as it's my understanding that he was the highlight of last year's live performance on NBC.

Not to mention how Tiger Lily reverse ages to become Pan's age as Hook grows older...

I'm also curious as to how she turns into an Indian.

But yeah... I was completely turned-off to this movie the instant they started talking about how the necklace he wears marks him as the prophesied blurbitty blurbitty blur.

To be fair, considering Neverland is an island, it actually did make more sense to make her more akin to a Pacific Islander than a Native American...

I did not know about this movie's existence prior to reading the review and when I saw the title, I honestly thought it was a retelling/remake of one of my favourite films, Pan's Labyrinth.

Finally! A companion piece for Hook! God, that movie was bad. Forty minutes of some kid squishing Robin Williams's face. Bah!

the antithesis:
Finally! A companion piece for Hook! God, that movie was bad. Forty minutes of some kid squishing Robin Williams's face. Bah!

Amen. I knew nothing about this new film other than that it made me remember seeing Hook in the theaters, and how excruciatingly bad it was. Would avoid this one on principle as a result.

Travis Fischer:
I've never understood the desire to make Pan a heroic figure.

He's basically an evil deity, or, at the very least, a neutral one. He can imagine things into existence, is supremely talented in all things, and is effectively immortal. He's a god pretending to be a child. And because the passage of time only seems to exist in Neverland if you notice it, he wipes away his own memories so he can stay childlike forever.

As for the Lost Boys, he basically whisks away "abandoned" children and forces them to live as eternally youthful playmates to satisfy his own need for friends. They either stay young forever like him, or get old enough that they have to leave.

Holy Crap! Peter Pan is a Marvel Comics character!
Hey Spider-Man fans, remember Flash Thompson's girlfriend, Sha Shan. The one he brought back after serving in Vietnam.
No? That's okay because neither does Flash.

Peter Pan retcons away his own life and anything that might remind him of his true age gets booted out of Neverland.

Fun Fact: Peter Pan was going to be the main villain in Fables but they had to ditch that idea because they later found out he wasn't public domain.

All this does is make me want to play Tropico 2: Pirate Cove. Maybe we should just discuss good pirate themed games instead of this craptastic movie?

Travis Fischer:

Hey Spider-Man fans, remember Flash Thompson's girlfriend, Sha Shan. The one he brought back after serving in Vietnam.
No? That's okay because neither does Flash.

Did they completely ret-con her out of the 616 universe? I thought that she had married Flash and then they got divorced when Flash cheated on her with Betty.

Honestly, I don't really know these days I stopped following Spider-Man for two long periods - right after "One More Day" for a few years and then again after the stupid Superior Spider-man arc where they made Spider-Man gun down an unarmed dude (but it was okay, because it was doctor octupus doing it!) Bleh. I pretty much dropped all my Marvel books after the Wade/Samnee run on dare devil finished and even then that was starting to get a little thin at the end with terrible plot lines like the cliche "brotherhood of the serpent" (aka brotherhood of the evil white guy patriarchy). It was just way too much heavy handed and frankly, conceptually dated to be entertaining. Might as well been the "evil brotherhood of nascar and duck dynasty fans" or something equally as stupid.

Jake Martinez:
All this does is make me want to play Tropico 2: Pirate Cove. Maybe we should just discuss good pirate themed games instead of this craptastic movie?

Maybe we should. I want more pirate-themed games like Tropico 2. It was great. Tell me of more of them.

Jake Martinez:

Travis Fischer:

Hey Spider-Man fans, remember Flash Thompson's girlfriend, Sha Shan. The one he brought back after serving in Vietnam.
No? That's okay because neither does Flash.

Did they completely ret-con her out of the 616 universe? I thought that she had married Flash and then they got divorced when Flash cheated on her with Betty.

Looking it up, it seems that she did get brought back at some point recently as a physical therapist to help Flash with his lack-of-legs. But for a solid twenty years she was lost to limbo and it's a safe bet her backstory isn't the same as it was in the 70s.

"Holy pooty!"

OT: Wow... It's a good thing I choose to see The Scorch Trails instead... :p

Other than that, maybe they should of had Disney do this movie, instead... Then, it could have been almost Maleficent-worthy, at least...

FPLOON:
"Holy pooty!"

OT: Wow... It's a good thing I choose to see The Scorch Trails instead... :p

Other than that, maybe they should of had Disney do this movie, instead... Then, it could have been almost Maleficent-worthy, at least...

At least? Almost Maleficent-worthy would still be a huge success. Also, Once Upon a Time did pretty well with Pan, but then, they went the villain route, who more or less fit @Travis Fischer:'s description of him pretty well.

Travis Fischer:
I've never understood the desire to make Pan a heroic figure.

He's basically an evil deity, or, at the very least, a neutral one. He can imagine things into existence, is supremely talented in all things, and is effectively immortal. He's a god pretending to be a child. And because the passage of time only seems to exist in Neverland if you notice it, he wipes away his own memories so he can stay childlike forever.

As for the Lost Boys, he basically whisks away "abandoned" children and forces them to live as eternally youthful playmates to satisfy his own need for friends. They either stay young forever like him, or get old enough that they have to leave.

the antithesis:
Finally! A companion piece for Hook! God, that movie was bad. Forty minutes of some kid squishing Robin Williams's face. Bah!

Why does this exist when we already have

?

The thing that looks most boring about this new story: Peter appears to be such a nice, nice, nice nice nice boy. Pan is naughty: full of fun and mischief.

They got the character wrong.

 

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