Zero Punctuation: Call of Duty: Black Ops 3

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Call of Duty: Black Ops 3

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Call of Duty: Black Ops 3.

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For some reason, I now want to see the whole Robocop movie edited with Yahtzee head.

I guess women tend to be snipers a bit more often because...it's seen as more elegant and feminine to take your enemy out from a distance with a single shot than to hose them down with a mini-gun? I dunno, fuck me if I know.

So all in another. That's it. Just "another."

I just knew this was coming. And that it would be amusing.

I did not, however, anticipate the Furby holding up a "Check your womb privilege" sign. Well done.

Sometimes I think there's a plot to prop up the console market by making a set proportions of PC ports run badly, be straight up broken, or something in between. Or the publishers just don't care about PC.

I'm flabbergasted the cyber killer bees didn't get a Bioshock reference because that's apparently the level of realism we're going for.

Ohhhh, that last line, that was pretty good XD

Still, Even while I kinda liked the plot of the old Zombies mode, even I kinda thought that allowing the plot to carry on after the cast of the BLOPS 2 Zombies blew up the fucking earth had some serious mind-numbing confusion, even after everything that came before it.
The insane part is that's still supposed to be canon with that crazy WW1 Map they released as the final chapter, the ending of which was even more confusing.

last week halo 5, this week Black Ops 3. feels like a strange kind of count down, but it's missing a number. strange, I wonder what video game recently came out with a 4 in it. hmm I guess we'll have to wait till next week to find out and see if he liked it.

09philj:
Sometimes I think there's a plot to prop up the console market by making a set proportions of PC ports run badly, be straight up broken, or something in between. Or the publishers just don't care about PC.

While it would be fun to imagine its some cackling conspiracy of corporate types unfortunately its probably just plain bone idleness I'm afraid. I've kind of given up on pc ports recently - Arkum Knight was so laggy it completely just broke the game for me. More than it already was I mean.

OP: Despite my usually aversion to COD games this is the first one I'm actually considering getting. With the massive amount of multiplayer and co-op game modes it looks like a fun one for me and my partner to get stuck into now that we're done with the Borderlands.

erttheking:
I guess women tend to be snipers a bit more often because...it's seen as more elegant and feminine to take your enemy out from a distance with a single shot than to hose them down with a mini-gun? I dunno, fuck me if I know.

Maybe it's because she loves through her skin... or she knows that she's immune to grenades at point-blank range...

OT: That poster could have been a callback ad to Hatfall...

Other than that, all I can think about in terms of running up walls is Sonic...so maybe he secretly endorses their shoes...

What's amusing about his comments about the lady sniper and her eventually falling in love with you(at least, that's how it sounded to me) is that I recently played Advanced Warfare(yeah, I know it's a year late but it was finally cheap enough for me to want to buy) and I was actually kind of impressed that Ilona was a Russian female main character who didn't 1.) act stereotypically Russian or 2.) want to bang you because you're the PC.

Especially since AW was going a bit nuts with the QTE(the "Press X to Pay Respects" ruined what should have been a moving scene), and I could only imagine a far worse game where Sledgehammer....sledgehammed in a romance scene with her, complete with QTE(Press X for Doggy style).

el_emmens:
last week halo 5, this week Black Ops 3. feels like a strange kind of count down, but it's missing a number. strange, I wonder what video game recently came out with a 4 in it. hmm I guess we'll have to wait till next week to find out and see if he liked it.

Well Assassins Creed just released game 9(which is probably why they stopped using numbers), Tomb Raider 2 just dropped, Fallout 4, carry the 2......

Half life 4 confirmed!

No? Too soon?

el_emmens:
last week halo 5, this week Black Ops 3. feels like a strange kind of count down, but it's missing a number. strange, I wonder what video game recently came out with a 4 in it. hmm I guess we'll have to wait till next week to find out and see if he liked it.

Refer to his review of New Vegas. Unless Fallout has changed a lot, he'd probably just post a video for a different game, saying "Just to reiterate, this is my review of Fallout 4: Watch the Fallout 3 and Fallout New Vegas reviews. And now on with the show."

erttheking:
I guess women tend to be snipers a bit more often because...it's seen as more elegant and feminine to take your enemy out from a distance with a single shot than to hose them down with a mini-gun? I dunno, fuck me if I know.

I always thought it was an unhealthy obsession with female Russian snipers from WWII.

I thought this game was pretty good, though the story did get really weird at times(that whole bit with the frozen forest) and it felt like the writers were an acid when they wrote the script.

el_emmens:
last week halo 5, this week Black Ops 3. feels like a strange kind of count down, but it's missing a number. strange, I wonder what video game recently came out with a 4 in it. hmm I guess we'll have to wait till next week to find out and see if he liked it.

Yahtzee mentioned on his twitter that it would be a few weeks before he did a ZP on Fallout 4, next week will probably be Rise of the Tomb Raider.

MysticSlayer:

erttheking:
I guess women tend to be snipers a bit more often because...it's seen as more elegant and feminine to take your enemy out from a distance with a single shot than to hose them down with a mini-gun? I dunno, fuck me if I know.

I always thought it was an unhealthy obsession with female Russian snipers from WWII.

Could always be both along with a bunch of other things.

erttheking:
I guess women tend to be snipers a bit more often because...it's seen as more elegant and feminine to take your enemy out from a distance with a single shot than to hose them down with a mini-gun? I dunno, fuck me if I know.

So all in another. That's it. Just "another."

There's an old tale about how women make better snipers because they have steadier hands/arms. I'm not actually sure if it's a scientifically proven thing or a total myth. As someone else above me said, there's also been situations during war when women were utilized as sharpshooters. There may have been many justifications for this aside from "women are better snipers", such as snipers being hidden and thus not getting killed as often, and if found they can pretend to be civilians.

Women who were snipers during WWII or Vietnam however were usually shooting with what were essentially scoped hunting rifles. Those can be devastating obviously, ask The White Death, but modern military sniper rifles tend to be the heaviest and most cumbersome personal guns out there, meaning practically it would take quite a muscular woman to haul the rifles over long distances. This is essentially the main barrier to letting women into combat roles, it's not lifting and using the weapons, it's carrying them over long distances.

Plus, we all know which military role women are best suited for...

Is that part about the bees really in the game, or is that just a joke? I can't tell because I've never bothered with a Call of Duty game, but what I've heard about them suggests they are kinda ridiculous.

Joshroom:

09philj:
Sometimes I think there's a plot to prop up the console market by making a set proportions of PC ports run badly, be straight up broken, or something in between. Or the publishers just don't care about PC.

While it would be fun to imagine its some cackling conspiracy of corporate types unfortunately its probably just plain bone idleness I'm afraid. I've kind of given up on pc ports recently - Arkum Knight was so laggy it completely just broke the game for me. More than it already was I mean.

On the other hand, this is from Treyarch, who are generally known for making well-polished PC versions of their games, and if anything they have more practice working on the PC than on current-gen consoles - and the engine is a straight upgrade from the one they used last time, so it's not like they had to decipher someone else's modifications. It's a lot harder to excuse or even explain the issues it's having.

I'm disappointed that this isn't referred to as a part of "Shooter Season 2015". Sure, the pile of FPS games is down to 4 or 5 instead of 7-ish, but it's more than usual by far. We even have some old franchises coming back: Fallout 4 and Star Wars: Battlefield Battlefront.

Joshroom:

09philj:
Sometimes I think there's a plot to prop up the console market by making a set proportions of PC ports run badly, be straight up broken, or something in between. Or the publishers just don't care about PC.

While it would be fun to imagine its some cackling conspiracy of corporate types unfortunately its probably just plain bone idleness I'm afraid.

I feel like it's more of a conspiracy, as Treyarch have declared the Piss Pour PS4 as CoD's new home. If they didn't have that bias, they would care about the millions of PC users who know that a mouse is better than a stick for aiming and can now request refunds on Steam. EA doesn't show that kind of disregard.

Now I've got Painted black in my head.
Which isn't bad, mind...

Let's see if it's better with "orange" and "window"!!! :D

I hope Yahtzee is wrong in his prediction. I'd hate to live in a future where I get shamed for not being politically correct towards my toaster...

Freedom153:
I just knew this was coming. And that it would be amusing.

I did not, however, anticipate the Furby holding up a "Check your womb privilege" sign. Well done.

I wasn't expecting Rolf Harris to be teamed up with Hitler. Had to rewind to check that's what I saw

Well, at least he kept to the bare minimum of pissing on U.S. conservatism.

If CoD:BlOps III is blatantly ripping off other games, it's a good guess they'll steal Deus Ex: Human Revolution's opening title sequence of showing the main character having his new parts installed through the credits. But I laughed at how many times Yahtzee said "syndicate".

Dalisclock:

el_emmens:
last week halo 5, this week Black Ops 3. feels like a strange kind of count down, but it's missing a number. strange, I wonder what video game recently came out with a 4 in it. hmm I guess we'll have to wait till next week to find out and see if he liked it.

Well Assassins Creed just released game 9(which is probably why they stopped using numbers), Tomb Raider 2 just dropped, Fallout 4, carry the 2......

Half life 4 confirmed!

No? Too soon?

Because the Tomb Raider series has been rebooted (unless I heard wrong and they're sticking to prequels) I call it Tomb Raider 2.0. So the newest game is Tomb Raider 2.0 2.

hentropy:

erttheking:
I guess women tend to be snipers a bit more often because...it's seen as more elegant and feminine to take your enemy out from a distance with a single shot than to hose them down with a mini-gun? I dunno, fuck me if I know.

So all in another. That's it. Just "another."

There's an old tale about how women make better snipers because they have steadier hands/arms. I'm not actually sure if it's a scientifically proven thing or a total myth. As someone else above me said, there's also been situations during war when women were utilized as sharpshooters. There may have been many justifications for this aside from "women are better snipers", such as snipers being hidden and thus not getting killed as often, and if found they can pretend to be civilians.

Women who were snipers during WWII or Vietnam however were usually shooting with what were essentially scoped hunting rifles. Those can be devastating obviously, ask The White Death, but modern military sniper rifles tend to be the heaviest and most cumbersome personal guns out there, meaning practically it would take quite a muscular woman to haul the rifles over long distances. This is essentially the main barrier to letting women into combat roles, it's not lifting and using the weapons, it's carrying them over long distances.

Plus, we all know which military role women are best suited for...

I seem to remember the Soviets in C&C: Red Alert 3 having women pilot the tanks, missile launchers, and helicopters.

Darth_Payn:

I seem to remember the Soviets in C&C: Red Alert 3 having women pilot the tanks, missile launchers, and helicopters.

Soviet women tended to kick a lot of ass in WWII and handle deadly machinery.
Also related to the video "The Soviets found that sniper duties fit women well, since good snipers are patient, deliberate, have a high level of aerobic conditioning, and normally avoid hand-to-hand combat."

CaitSeith:
I hope Yahtzee is wrong in his prediction. I'd hate to live in a future where I get shamed for not being politically correct towards my toaster...

With the current direction of Western culture-politics, I wouldn't be all that fucking shocked if the SJW crybullies started going after people for "offending" electronics.

Is the sniper chick 3/4's naked and breathes through her skin? I need to know, for science.

hentropy:
Plus, we all know which military role women are best suited for...

Of course. Tanks are perfect expressions of femininity; intense and strong, passionate and precise, yet adorable. Training in tanks makes you healthier, kinder and stronger. Its an excellent training experience for young ladies. (If anyone is wondering: This is me just quoting more or less verbatim from the first episode.)

I seem to recall one scene in which they comment about the lack of males in tankery and one of them point it out as it being a singularly unsuitable sport for men and that few boys are likely to be interested in that kind of thing.

Love that series. :)

RJ Dalton:
Is that part about the bees really in the game, or is that just a joke? I can't tell because I've never bothered with a Call of Duty game, but what I've heard about them suggests they are kinda ridiculous.

It's an ability called Firefly. Basic version deploys a swarm of nanobots that distract human enemies. Advanced version sets human enemies on fire.

hentropy:

erttheking:
I guess women tend to be snipers a bit more often because...it's seen as more elegant and feminine to take your enemy out from a distance with a single shot than to hose them down with a mini-gun? I dunno, fuck me if I know.

So all in another. That's it. Just "another."

There's an old tale about how women make better snipers because they have steadier hands/arms. I'm not actually sure if it's a scientifically proven thing or a total myth. As someone else above me said, there's also been situations during war when women were utilized as sharpshooters. There may have been many justifications for this aside from "women are better snipers", such as snipers being hidden and thus not getting killed as often, and if found they can pretend to be civilians.

Women who were snipers during WWII or Vietnam however were usually shooting with what were essentially scoped hunting rifles. Those can be devastating obviously, ask The White Death, but modern military sniper rifles tend to be the heaviest and most cumbersome personal guns out there, meaning practically it would take quite a muscular woman to haul the rifles over long distances. This is essentially the main barrier to letting women into combat roles, it's not lifting and using the weapons, it's carrying them over long distances.

Plus, we all know which military role women are best suited for...

I think there's some truth to what you say. I remember reading that women basketball players overall have edge over men when it comes to free-throw shooting. Of course, women uses smaller basketball but considering that the diameter of the ball is only 1 inch less than what men use, I say its pretty negligible.

RJ Dalton:
Is that part about the bees really in the game, or is that just a joke? I can't tell because I've never bothered with a Call of Duty game, but what I've heard about them suggests they are kinda ridiculous.

Yes the game does give you the power to unleash killer bees on enemies, and it's pretty cool.

Cid Silverwing:

CaitSeith:
I hope Yahtzee is wrong in his prediction. I'd hate to live in a future where I get shamed for not being politically correct towards my toaster...

With the current direction of Western culture-politics, I wouldn't be all that fucking shocked if the SJW crybullies started going after people for "offending" electronics.

SJW is an incredibly stupid term.

I was hoping he'd do Fallout 4 this week. After all the obnoxious hype surrounding that game, I'd love to see Yahtzee rip it a new one.

how the fuck did a ZP thread turn into a holy war for social justice. What the fuck is wrong with you people

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