Zero Punctuation: Assassin's Creed: Chronicles

 Pages 1 2 NEXT
 

Assassin's Creed: Chronicles

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Assassin's Creed: Chronicles.

Watch Video

Considering how there isn't really anything else out, I was really hoping he'd review Xenoblade Chronicles X, but this works too.

Also, don't give Ubisoft too much credit. EA let NFS miss a year and they still somehow managed to miss the point based off of what I've heard.

We already had Assassin's Creed Armageddon. It was Assassin's Creed 3.....

That MJF joke. Not cool.

"debating on the Internet is like trying to head-butt a brontosaurus to death"

Sad, funny, and true.

Transdude1996:
Considering how there isn't really anything else out, I was really hoping he'd review Xenoblade Chronicles X, but this works too.

Also, don't give Ubisoft too much credit. EA let the NFS miss a year and they still managed to miss the point given what I've heard about it.

Yahtzee doesn't like most modern JRPGs, so doesn't tend to review them. This is fair enough; better to review a bad game in a genre you like than a good game in a genre you don't like and essentially let your inherent dislike of the genre itself write the review for you.

09philj:

Transdude1996:
Considering how there isn't really anything else out, I was really hoping he'd review Xenoblade Chronicles X, but this works too.

Also, don't give Ubisoft too much credit. EA let the NFS miss a year and they still managed to miss the point given what I've heard about it.

Yahtzee doesn't like most modern JRPGs, so doesn't tend to review them. This is fair enough; better to review a bad game in a genre you like than a good game in a genre you don't like and essentially let your inherent dislike of the genre itself write the review for you.

That and even normal RPGs require a larger time investment in order to get a good idea of how you feel about it.

OT: I am hoping that the rumor about Watch_Dogs 2 is true, while that game wasn't the best, I still rather enjoyed it.
Also, nice to know I'm not the only one who reads the in-game wikia Yahtzee! :D

Wow, looks like we've already got a contender for Yahtzee's worst games list.

RTR:
That MJF joke. Not cool.

Michael would have a laugh about it. He's the first to poke fun at his condition.

I actually like the first Assassin's Creed.

There was definitely something wrong with it, but I liked it. They completely abandoned the idea of preparing for an assassination. Well mostly, AssCreed2's linear mission structure was more like GTA style. I've not played GTA Heists but this was one of the first games I remember having missions that helped you prepare for a final mission. Admittedly those mini-missions were poor, and over repeated but I liked the concept. The thing they all lacked though was an exit strategy? What type of master assassin does all that preparation but not once thinks about how they're going to escape afterwards? A suicide bomber, that's who.

Thanatos2k:
We already had Assassin's Creed Armageddon. It was Assassin's Creed 3.....

Wait... That game had both an asteroid AND Bruce Willis it it? Or was it because the game, itself, was a disaster? :P

OT: So, the only reason why Ubi's not releasing a full 3D Ass-ass-in Creed is because Shadow of Mordor tried to kill it in it's [development] slumber?

Other than that, does this mean Chronicles is the poor time traveler's Prince of Persia?

-enemies spot you quickly
-enemies kill you in one or two stabs
-enemies use their brains and shoot your ass at a distance

So all in all, it's as difficult as actually being an assassin?

Wait so Yahtzee reviews this but not Assassin's Creed Rogue? Rogue was better than Unity (Apparently) and it was part of the main series too at least according to wikipedia. Come on Yahtzee Rogue is basically the same thing as Black Flag only you get to play as a templar instead. :D

Assassin's Creed: The Awakening
Assassin's Creed:

Johnny Novgorod:

RTR:
That MJF joke. Not cool.

Michael would have a laugh about it. He's the first to poke fun at his condition.

Great, now I want an Assassin's Creed: Your Enthusiasm to be released.

SiskoBlue:
I actually like the first Assassin's Creed.

There was definitely something wrong with it, but I liked it. They completely abandoned the idea of preparing for an assassination. Well mostly, AssCreed2's linear mission structure was more like GTA style. I've not played GTA Heists but this was one of the first games I remember having missions that helped you prepare for a final mission. Admittedly those mini-missions were poor, and over repeated but I liked the concept. The thing they all lacked though was an exit strategy? What type of master assassin does all that preparation but not once thinks about how they're going to escape afterwards? A suicide bomber, that's who.

Pl aying it for the 3rd time. It's just so conceptually pure, I like the preparations along with what they provide. With a bit more proper world building and mechanical improvements they did later, it would've been an awesome murder simulator.
While the philosophical discourses from the antagonists don't charm me as much, I appreciate their function in humanizing them in some way. That immediately made the much more human than any of the later villains we've seen. I think there was one or so investigations that gave you maps, but those were for approaching the target, not for escaping the scene.
I still prefer it to 2, since I do relate more to Altair questioning everything trying to make sense of it all, rather than Ezio who becomes a Mary Sue after his tragedy.
The biggest mistake of AC1 is the Richard's Kingdom map, even on PC Director's cut you have to trudge through it 3 times, they were really ambitious, overestimating their scope of the game.

I don't know understand the comparison to It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, but a video game inspired by that movie sounds like a great idea. It seems like a perfect fit: You play as one (or two, in an optional co-op mode) of many colorful characters who are eligible to claim a massive cash prize, and the only thing standing in their way is each other. Think No More Heroes crossed with Borderlands with the wacky sensibilities of a modern Saints Row game. The biggest challenge would probably be coming up with a way to stagger the encounters with your opponents in way that creates a compelling progression from beginning to end regardless of which character you play as.

I really must get around to completing Chronic China. Though Chronic India can fuck off with its' timed levels. I hear the 3rd will be set in Chronic Russia, so as long as they cut the pressured time limits, i'm all over that as Russia brings pleasant feelings for some reason.

Nice use of the Big Red Exclamation Point from Metal Gear Solid. The way he described how fast enemies spot you sounded just like that. Come to think of it, who is writing the in-game database entries? For most of the previous games (II, Brotherhood, III, parts of Unity, Syndicate), it was Yahtzee's favorite character, Shawn Hastings.

T3hSource:

SiskoBlue:
I actually like the first Assassin's Creed.

There was definitely something wrong with it, but I liked it. They completely abandoned the idea of preparing for an assassination. Well mostly, AssCreed2's linear mission structure was more like GTA style. I've not played GTA Heists but this was one of the first games I remember having missions that helped you prepare for a final mission. Admittedly those mini-missions were poor, and over repeated but I liked the concept. The thing they all lacked though was an exit strategy? What type of master assassin does all that preparation but not once thinks about how they're going to escape afterwards? A suicide bomber, that's who.

Pl aying it for the 3rd time. It's just so conceptually pure, I like the preparations along with what they provide. With a bit more proper world building and mechanical improvements they did later, it would've been an awesome murder simulator.
While the philosophical discourses from the antagonists don't charm me as much, I appreciate their function in humanizing them in some way. That immediately made the much more human than any of the later villains we've seen. I think there was one or so investigations that gave you maps, but those were for approaching the target, not for escaping the scene.
I still prefer it to 2, since I do relate more to Altair questioning everything trying to make sense of it all, rather than Ezio who becomes a Mary Sue after his tragedy.
The biggest mistake of AC1 is the Richard's Kingdom map, even on PC Director's cut you have to trudge through it 3 times, they were really ambitious, overestimating their scope of the game.

The way I figure it, in the first game, the maps you pick-pocketed or got from informants helped you come up with the escape plan, as well as the infiltration one. Otherwise, it's the same escape plan every time: run and hide in the nearest pile of hay until the heat's off.
And it's kind of funny recalling all those post-kill parts, where the targets tried to justify their actions. Some were understandable, others were deluded, and one guy was such a dick that Altair stabbed him again on principle.

Steve the Pocket:
I don't know understand the comparison to It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, but a video game inspired by that movie sounds like a great idea. It seems like a perfect fit: You play as one (or two, in an optional co-op mode) of many colorful characters who are eligible to claim a massive cash prize, and the only thing standing in their way is each other. Think No More Heroes crossed with Borderlands with the wacky sensibilities of a modern Saints Row game. The biggest challenge would probably be coming up with a way to stagger the encounters with your opponents in way that creates a compelling progression from beginning to end regardless of which character you play as.

I totally want to play this game now. To the extent that I can't believe it doesn't already exist.

I may have to purchase it if they go the Armageddon route. Because clearly it would be easier to teach trained killers how to fly a space ship AND operate a drill than either of the two alternatives. Presumably because the incoming meteor is actually a Space Nazi death weapon/invasion platform, and they need to kill Space Hitler, in space.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Assassin's Creed: Chronicles
Assassin's Creed: Kings
Assassin's Creed: Genesis
The Book of Assassins
The Song of Assassins
Acts of the Assassins

Judging by how Red Faction Guerrilla (one of the best open world games ever made, and probably in my top 20 games of all time list) was followed by the drab, linear corridor shooter of Red Faction: Armageddon... Part of me wonders how they could possibly make Assassin's Creed any blander. I mean, sure, setting the entire game in areas that make previously important gameplay mechanics is possible, look at the death of climbing in Syndicate. But, I think it Assassin's Creed: Armageddon came out we might have a game to knock Battlefront EA off of "Blandest corporate cash in ever devised by a questionably sentient mind".

Assassin's Creed: Armageddon, the one with the extra stabby Jesus expy: Jesus.

Xsjadoblayde:
I really must get around to completing Chronic China. Though Chronic India can fuck off with its' timed levels. I hear the 3rd will be set in Chronic Russia, so as long as they cut the pressured time limits, i'm all over that as Russia brings pleasant feelings for some reason.

That's probably just the vodka talking. I wonder if you will play as Putin, he does have considerable influence. Would be funny to see.

Good review as always. When are you gonna review Yakuza 5? It's a proper disco stomping fiesta like 4, so there's no reason why you wouldn't enjoy it.

I got a free copy of Assassin's Creed Syndicate when I bought a Samsung SSD. It seemed like Ubisoft is really begging us to take it from them.

I hope its not as bad as YZ suggests though.

mysecondlife:
I got a free copy of Assassin's Creed Syndicate when I bought a Samsung SSD. It seemed like Ubisoft is really begging us to take it from them.

I hope its not as bad as YZ suggests though.

It's by no means bad. It's probably the best 'pure' AC game since 2, though it still has a few issues. If you literally can't stand modern sandbox world design, then you'll probably hate it, but otherwise it's pretty good.

Uh, Yahtzee, if I am not mistaken, all three of these games came out in 2015, and only the collection came out this year.

So your first 30 seconds is kinda useless.

They finally visit some interesting places, but they do it in the 2d games that nobody's interested in. Thanks Ubisoft.

Oh and Yahtzee, I appreciate your advice about arguing on the internet, but I still don't think it's a waste of time. I have seen people change their minds because of it, and I've changed my mind on issues as well. Have some faith in people.

I'm an AC collector at this point, owning most of them over steam (And a few on Xbox before I got a computer), and I still won't be getting India. I have China but I'm not terribly interested in the gameplay. I have Mark of the Ninja and I wasn't very good at that, either.

008Zulu:

Xsjadoblayde:
I really must get around to completing Chronic China. Though Chronic India can fuck off with its' timed levels. I hear the 3rd will be set in Chronic Russia, so as long as they cut the pressured time limits, i'm all over that as Russia brings pleasant feelings for some reason.

That's probably just the vodka talking. I wonder if you will play as Putin, he does have considerable influence. Would be funny to see.

It most probably is the vodka, it never knows when to keep a lid on it.
Putin as an assassin sounds hilariously apt, i hope we get to use polonium tea as a gimmick item. Actually, somebody should photoshop Putin into an assassin's coat, that would be fantastic! I have nary the skills or equipment to pull off such feats.

Michael Dunkerton:
Assassin's Creed: Revelations
Assassin's Creed: Chronicles
Assassin's Creed: Kings
Assassin's Creed: Genesis
The Book of Assassins
The Song of Assassins
Acts of the Assassins

A Song of Assassins and Fire? (The shortened version would be "A Song of Ass and Fire" which would be a hilarious South Park refrence.)
Game of Assassins?
Assassins in Exile?

On topic: That ableist Michale J. Fox joke caught me off guard, one of the few genuine laughs ZP has drawn from me in a long while. I am so going to hell.

I could swear I heard a bird in the background, around the end of the first third.

Bob_McMillan:
Uh, Yahtzee, if I am not mistaken, all three of these games came out in 2015, and only the collection came out this year.

So your first 30 seconds is kinda useless.

Alas, you are indeed mistaken. China came out in 2015, India is brand new. And Russia isn't out yet.

OT: Timed levels? Well, that calls for an annoyed grunt. Nowadays I'm into all these budget tie-in games of massive franchises, like these and the Halo twin-stick shooters. It's the Famous Brand, for less money and effort in completing it!

Thank you for the review :)

The next Ubi AC release will be an unruly graphic adventure game where witty dialog is exchanged back and forth and used as combat maneuvers. It will be called Ah'sassin's Creed. : P

So back on track, I wonder what time frame the next one will take place? If it is in the semi future, like a digital scrambling hoodie with facial recognition blocker could create a new look the main character.

 Pages 1 2 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here