Zero Punctuation: Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

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Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door

This week, Zero Punctuation reviews Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door.

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I lost it at "It's hard to keep track."

Well that ended more abruptly than usual. I feel like someone cut the last minute and a half off this one.

Also I loved Mario RPG for the SNES! The Axem Rangers boss battle was on of the hardest fights I can remember! And fuck me if it didn't introduce a few actually fun characters. And Geno with his Star Beam was my main!

....Did Jon Snow just kill Mario? I am so very confused.

But yeah, this game is a classic. I still fondly remember the Christmas I got it...good times. I also love Legend of the Seven Stars, that game was twelve ways bananas and I loved it. Though I will admit the models haven't aged well.

All I see is an ad against cigarettes followed by an ad for The Escapist followed by nothing. Reloaded three times now.

Battleborn has a REAL single player campaign Yahtzee, not like the lame-ass "single player" that Rainbow Six Siege and Battlefront have.

The Mario RPG series never really clicked with me for whatever reason.

erttheking:
....Did Jon Snow just kill Mario? I am so very confused.

But yeah, this game is a classic. I still fondly remember the Christmas I got it...good times. I also love Legend of the Seven Stars, that game was twelve ways bananas and I loved it. Though I will admit the models haven't aged well.

Think they shown the original models and they look like Playmobil characters, far worse than when they had that aliasing thanks to SF/SNES's limitations. Still agree with Yahtzee though. Another game which looks a bit better that used 3D models but crushed them into 2D was Ghost Trick: Phantom Detective.

One of my favorite parts of TTYD is Hooktail Castle, because you are given clues on how to defeat the boss throughout said castle from various sources. I bring this up because boss fights was one the biggest failings of Sticker Star, where you needed to precognition in order to now what item to bring to what boss or they would be a bloody nightmare.

I was really glad to finally get a video on a game that's been praised so often, but a bit surprised at how thin the praise was. I suppose it must be hard to make "I like this game" into a funny joke, so digressions into other territory are probably to be expected.

is the nudity clause an obligation to have nude scenes or a reservation against it?

I got a boner just looking at the title.

CyanCat47:
is the nudity clause an obligation to have nude scenes or a reservation against it?

Depends on the wording. :P

darkrage6:
Battleborn has a REAL single player campaign Yahtzee, not like the lame-ass "single player" that Rainbow Six Siege and Battlefront have.

Depends on what you consider "real single player campaign" to be defined as. If you define it as a generic run-through of a handful of maps that's essentially one step up from a standard Horde Mode then yes, I would agree that Battleborn has a "real" single player campaign. :3

Note: I'm not saying that BB is a bad game by any means, just pointing out that most people won't be purchasing it for it's rousing and immersive single player content. :P

CyanCat47:
is the nudity clause an obligation to have nude scenes or a reservation against it?

In GOT I'm pretty sure the clause is "must get tits out at least once" for all the hot young actresses on the show based on the fact that most of them get naked in the first episode they appear and then never again... even when it might make sense for them to. Like when Shae is trying to tempt Tyrion into bed she doesn't think to get her boobs out which, if I were a woman, would be my first thought.

"You'll never break your shoes in if you keep rebooting them all the time." Brilliant.

erttheking:
....Did Jon Snow just kill Mario? I am so very confused.

Well, Mario did "betray" the Night's Watch by going more rogue than Bowletta on a power trip...

OT: Despite loving this game[1], Peach was definitely one of the highlights of the game... followed by Vivian and Madame Flurrie...

Other than that, never look under a princess's dress... There could be spiders, Cthulhu, or even the fucking universe...

[1] Not as much as Superstar Saga, though...

JimB:
I was really glad to finally get a video on a game that's been praised so often, but a bit surprised at how thin the praise was. I suppose it must be hard to make "I like this game" into a funny joke, so digressions into other territory are probably to be expected.

If you haven't played it, you can very much consider it a bit like his Portal review, in that it's hard for him to go along with it when there -is- so much to praise. No mention of the chapter involving stopping the terrorists who captured Peach from blowing up Yggagdzadrill the Earth-Tree, actual body snatchers and the 4th wall painting being literally used for the sake of the story, and the fact that of the 8 sections in the game, really only 1 and 5 are the closest to being as "token" to the formulaic-ness of the series, and even then section 1 grounds it all up into one area in a way that's quite satisfying (an undead fortress filled with the bodies of the not-Bowser Dragon going around devouring things), and section 5 turns into Pirates of the Caribbean complete with runaway love interest and dead pirate souls.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bit more praise, quite frankly. The Mario RPG series doesn't just shine with storytelling, it shines because of atmosphere and lore, and allowing Mario to interact not only with the "good guy" funguses but the "bad guy" ones too leaves an AMAZINGLY large amount of room to work with towards making the Mario series more interesting. The combat is also noteworthy for being about the most refined in the series without being too overly long (though SMRPGLotSS and the first Mario and Luigi's approaches do rival it a bit). I don't think Yahtzee got a good grasp on it, given that the "immunities" bit isn't nearly as bad as he made it out to be. Between the colorful roster of allies, combat mechanics improved from an already good game, and all of the different items and badges, you can all but custom Mario to be able to do your favorite style against nearly any enemy and still have a way to cover it.

So the story's good, the lore's good, the gameplay's good, and the game's style is still good (by which I mean the aesthetics hold up well and the soundtrack's still awesome). I guess Yahtzee just didn't want to go too far into detail so that he doesn't come off sounding like he's sucking TTYD's giant fantastic Paper-Cock. I suppose he knows some Nintendo-Fanboy will come behind him and do it justice for him, or he just kinda needed to phone in a review inbetween release dates. Either way, *slurpslurpslurppopsquishsquirtsquirt*.

FPLOON:
Other than that, never look under a princess's dress... There could be spiders, Cthulhu, or even the fucking universe...

Or the portal into Heaven, the Fountain of Youth, or maybe Half Life 3. I think it'd be totally worth checking either way.

That feels like it got cut short. Yahtzee spent too much time making the same points he's made in about a dozen other reviews of Nintendo games it felt like he barely got to talk about Thousand Year Door.

Damnit Yahtzee, just do a proper retro-review of Eternal Darkness. It's obvious you're deeply in love with it and probably use the game case as a sex aid (not judging, I do it too), and everyone knows it's far more deserving of a direct/spiritual sequel then any "shoot the Germans/Arabs/Russians/Aliens with one of two rifles while your health regenerates" series.

TIER Pargon Pargon Pargon ARETAK Pargon Pargon Pargon XEL'LOTATH"
I AM NOT YOUR FAN TODAY! I AM YOUR MASTER!

That felt like it ended way too soon.

What I am curious about is Yahtzee's opinion of the Bowser sections. He has been stated that Bowser is one of the more intriguing characters in the Mario-verse. Each section is fun even if half of them are just walking and talking. The other half of them are retro platforming levels where you are super OP.

Fascinating twist on the typical Mario/Peach/Bowser dynamic. It's only in the RPG's that the princess appears to have any agency of her own. And once again, Yahtzee showed he can be funny while praising a game, in that "they don't make 'em like this anymore" way, as he is in crapping on them.

Can I just say "Kudos!" to Ben for the W. Heath Robinson reference, rather than the usual over-reliance on (The Pretender) Goldberg to satisfy an unenlightened audience steeped (to the point of saturation) in American culture.

So, the fact that I picked up Eternal Darkness for less than $10 about 2-3 years ago (With disc, case, manual, and all) is an event planned by the angels?

GameCube games are not that hard to get ahold of, nor that rare. I think the rarest GC game I've seen is MGS: Twin Snakes and I've seen that on a few occasions.

Flathole:
Damnit Yahtzee, just do a proper retro-review of Eternal Darkness. It's obvious you're deeply in love with it and probably use the game case as a sex aid (not judging, I do it too), and everyone knows it's far more deserving of a direct/spiritual sequel then any "shoot the Germans/Arabs/Russians/Aliens with one of two rifles while your health regenerates" series.

TIER Pargon Pargon Pargon ARETAK Pargon Pargon Pargon XEL'LOTATH"
I AM NOT YOUR FAN TODAY! I AM YOUR MASTER!

I wouldn't say it's "far more deserving" myself.

What the actual fuck is happening in this week's credit sequence.

FillerDmon:
If you haven't played it,

Owned since it came out, and have probably played it twice a year since. The amount of praise I have for it is partially a cause of why I'm surprised Mr. Croshaw is so reserved.

For strategy in Thousand Year Door, I choose between a Mario ability/buff badge focus(can also be subdivided into jump or hammer focus) or a companion ability/buff badge focus. You can't equip everything so there is some room to specialize.

Oh, Yahtzee. You forgot to mention the best parts! The story unfolds with Peach negotiating and navigating her way to unveiling the core of the villain's plot, and Bowser always follows that act with some one-step-behind shenanigans, making him not only a comic relief but also an established miniboss (as opposed to Koopa Egg-boy or whatever).

Redlin5:
What the actual fuck is happening in this week's credit sequence.

Oh, don't worry. That's just some Dark Souls sh** going-on right there.

Do you realize that Zero Punctuation has been going on so long there's a review for Super Paper Mario from back when it actually came out?
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation/11-Super-Paper-Mario

(I was a little surprised when I finally got around to playing it and learned that you don't really need to spend 15 minutes on the treadmill, but it certainly is clear at numerous points that the developers were thoroughly content to waste the player's time.)

Yo, Yahtzee, if your schedule allows it, and if the gods may smile to have Nintendo remember Australia, review Kirby Planet Robobot. I wanna actually hear what you think. And, your only Kirby review has been of Epic Yarn, an anomaly from the normal series, so I want to see what you think of the Kirby proper series as well as the newer parts of it. Should be fun. Maybe even more fun than hatfall who knows?

This, over Uncharted and Doom? Okayyy...

Bob_McMillan:
This, over Uncharted and Doom? Okayyy...

Uncharted 4 came out last Tuesday, Doom came out last Friday. Yahtzee's schedule typically has him about two weeks behind new releases because he starts "production" the week before a video goes out (give or take a few days if you include time taken to, you know, actually play the games).

This has been pretty common practice for him for years, now. I'm not sure why people are still surprised.

nice to see him review a nintendo game that's not crap.. what a rarity these days (a good nintendo game that is)

nice to see him review a nintendo game that's not crap.. what a rarity these days (a good nintendo game that is)

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