The Wild Life - Cinematic Excrement, Part Two

The Wild Life - Cinematic Excrement, Part Two

The Wild Life would be the worst animated movie of the year in most years. But 2016 is not most years.

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Saw a preview of this and thought instantly this was gonna be shit.

Glad I was right.

I went to look up the voice cast on this sludge and found Yuri Lowenthal, a man I have much respect for is the voice of Crusoe.

He deserved infinitely better.

If it's any comfort at all, we've had Kubo and the Two Strings, Zootopia, Finding Dory and Sausage Party this year. And I'm crossing my fingers for Moana.

Someone check the production company again. This has the smell of Uwe Boll....

Why on EARTH is Yuri Lowenthal in this hot mess?! He's one of the most well known and prolific voice actors in the industry today, voicing countless characters that so many people recognize! Why the SHIT is he in this disaster of a cinematic release?!

Ryallen:
Why on EARTH is Yuri Lowenthal in this hot mess?! He's one of the most well known and prolific voice actors in the industry today, voicing countless characters that so many people recognize! Why the SHIT is he in this disaster of a cinematic release?!

Maybe he likes money?

Vern:

Ryallen:
Why on EARTH is Yuri Lowenthal in this hot mess?! He's one of the most well known and prolific voice actors in the industry today, voicing countless characters that so many people recognize! Why the SHIT is he in this disaster of a cinematic release?!

Maybe he likes money?

There can not be enough money in the WORLD to make someone agree to this sort of movie.

Marter confirmed for hating Children Movies. ;)

Redlin5:
Marter confirmed for hating Children Movies. ;)

I know you're just poking fun, but, like, Kubo was three weeks ago!

Marter:

Redlin5:
Marter confirmed for hating Children Movies. ;)

I know you're just poking fun, but, like, Kubo was three weeks ago!

Also - Zootopia was an absolute masterpiece.

SKBPinkie:

Marter:

Redlin5:
Marter confirmed for hating Children Movies. ;)

I know you're just poking fun, but, like, Kubo was three weeks ago!

Also - Zootopia was an absolute masterpiece.

Well, yeah! But that was months ago so I could understand the collective memory of the internet forgetting about it.

I can't believe just how bad Yuri Lowenthal sounded as Crusoe, he sounded even less invested in his role than Dinklage did in Destiny. Then again if I had to star in that piece of toxic waste I doubt I'd be happy about it either

Ldude893:
If it's any comfort at all, we've had Kubo and the Two Strings, Zootopia, Finding Dory and Sausage Party this year. And I'm crossing my fingers for Moana.

It's also the year that gave us The Angry Birds Movie. :(

Still, Peanuts was good (released in 2016 over here), and Kung Fu Panda 3 was decent, so there's that I guess.

It's likely that the first thing you'll take away from even just the trailer for The Wild Life is the hideous animation and art style. There's a serious lack of polish and detail on every single aspect of the animation

Interesting. I completely agree that the trailer does nothing to make anyone in their right mind expect this to be any good in terms of story or comedy, but I wouldn't say the animation looks bad. It looks pretty decent - certainly not in Norm of the North territory. Just as good as Sausage Party, for example. Decent visual scope, ok characters, even a relatively impressive storm at sea.

But is it still funnier that Paul Blart 2?
Anyhow, some box blurb; Like Norm of the north meets angry birds! In a drunken high speed collision. Leaving no survivors.

I guess you could say here that they were "robbing some career soul." Ahaha! Sorry. Tumbleweed

...

Why do I smell tax loopholes?

Marter:

Redlin5:
Marter confirmed for hating Children Movies. ;)

I know you're just poking fun, but, like, Kubo was three weeks ago!

Speaking of:

The Wild Life outperformed Kubo at the box office this weekend. There is no justice.

lacktheknack:
Speaking of:

The Wild Life outperformed Kubo at the box office this weekend. There is no justice.

Sure, but it was Kubo's fourth week, and it's close enough that once the actuals come out - we're still working with estimates - Kubo might still win.

Why did you mention Norm of the North? I just looked the trailer up on Youtube,and now I'm considering jumping off a bridge.

Marter:

lacktheknack:
Speaking of:

The Wild Life outperformed Kubo at the box office this weekend. There is no justice.

Sure, but it was Kubo's fourth week, and it's close enough that once the actuals come out - we're still working with estimates - Kubo might still win.

We hope. :(

Oh, come now. A movie that "wouldn't even be able to hold the attention of a two-year-old" with dialogue that "could've been written by a one-year-old"? I understand that the movie didn't try, but c'mon.

These writers couldn't have gotten a job writing on Curious George- writing dialogue for Curious George.

These are the sort of writers who Adam Sandler would have taken off the job for pitching too low.

This is the sort of screenplay that would make Ray Bradbury re-think book burning.

This movie was apparently made with the idea of attaching Daniel Defoe's corpse to a turbine to generate electricity from its spin.

This movie could make infants learn how to walk, simply so they could walk out of the theater.

The Wild Life, or, How to Teach Your Child That an Attention Span is Over-Rated.

The animals' dialogue is an insult to the intelligence of echidnas.

If it were shown in THX, you could count on a child being more enthralled by the THX demo than by anything that followed.

An argument against Belgium's continued presence in the European Union.

Given a choice between The Wild Life and a box of matches, the average two-year-old will soon be testing the flame-retardancy of their own clothing.

Callate:
Oh, come now. A movie that "wouldn't even be able to hold the attention of a two-year-old" with dialogue that "could've been written by a one-year-old"? I understand that the movie didn't try, but c'mon.

These writers couldn't have gotten a job writing on Curious George- writing dialogue for Curious George.

These are the sort of writers who Adam Sandler would have taken off the job for pitching too low.

This is the sort of screenplay that would make Ray Bradbury re-think book burning.

This movie was apparently made with the idea of attaching Daniel Defoe's corpse to a turbine to generate electricity from its spin.

This movie could make infants learn how to walk, simply so they could walk out of the theater.

The Wild Life, or, How to Teach Your Child That an Attention Span is Over-Rated.

The animals' dialogue is an insult to the intelligence of echidnas.

If it were shown in THX, you could count on a child being more enthralled by the THX demo than by anything that followed.

An argument against Belgium's continued presence in the European Union.

Given a choice between The Wild Life and a box of matches, the average two-year-old will soon be testing the flame-retardancy of their own clothing.

I'm curious. Did you actually see this movie? I love your one-liners in your post. I'm just curious that those one-liners are deserved.

Flatfrog:

It's likely that the first thing you'll take away from even just the trailer for The Wild Life is the hideous animation and art style. There's a serious lack of polish and detail on every single aspect of the animation

Interesting. I completely agree that the trailer does nothing to make anyone in their right mind expect this to be any good in terms of story or comedy, but I wouldn't say the animation looks bad. It looks pretty decent - certainly not in Norm of the North territory. Just as good as Sausage Party, for example. Decent visual scope, ok characters, even a relatively impressive storm at sea.

I was gonna say. I've seen some cheap animation in my day - Alpha and Omega, Hoodwinked (which was otherwise a surprisingly good film) - so I clicked the trailer just to see how much worse it can get and was confused what I was expected to be seeing that was so bad.

Bad... everything aside, I think the worst thing is that the movie features a pangolin, A species that is critically endangered because of poaching due to people wanting them as pets, showing up in a kids' movie as a cute sidekick.

KissingSunlight:

Callate:
Oh, come now. A movie that "wouldn't even be able to hold the attention of a two-year-old" with dialogue that "could've been written by a one-year-old"? I understand that the movie didn't try, but c'mon.

These writers couldn't have gotten a job writing on Curious George- writing dialogue for Curious George.

These are the sort of writers who Adam Sandler would have taken off the job for pitching too low.

This is the sort of screenplay that would make Ray Bradbury re-think book burning.

This movie was apparently made with the idea of attaching Daniel Defoe's corpse to a turbine to generate electricity from its spin.

This movie could make infants learn how to walk, simply so they could walk out of the theater.

The Wild Life, or, How to Teach Your Child That an Attention Span is Over-Rated.

The animals' dialogue is an insult to the intelligence of echidnas.

If it were shown in THX, you could count on a child being more enthralled by the THX demo than by anything that followed.

An argument against Belgium's continued presence in the European Union.

Given a choice between The Wild Life and a box of matches, the average two-year-old will soon be testing the flame-retardancy of their own clothing.

I'm curious. Did you actually see this movie? I love your one-liners in your post. I'm just curious that those one-liners are deserved.

In honesty, I'm running[/riffing] off of the overall summation of Marter's review and the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic (as of this writing putting The Wild Life at 14% on RT, 36 on Metacritic.) The preview certainly was sufficiently unendearing that I'm willing to accept as gospel the word of the vast majority of movie critics.

 

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