Rockstar Chooses Boring Mustache to Feature in Red Dead Redemption

Rockstar Chooses Boring Mustache to Feature in Red Dead Redemption

The winner of Rockstar Games' Movember mustache contest has been chosen, but he grew a pretty boring mustache.

image

Rockstar Games began a contest back in November to find the person with the best mustache, who would then be immortalized as a character in Red Dead Redemption. The winner has been chosen, but he's got a mustache that is not unlike something you'd see on any normal person walking down the street.

Just look at that thing, it's nothing but a goatee with a little section shaved off of the chin. This is an affront to the Wild West, Red Dead Redemption's setting, when mustaches and giant beards were arguably at their grandest level of stature in society. There is even a whole club of men that would be disgusted if they saw Rockstar's choice. Now those guys, they know what a good mustache is.

In in Red Dead Redemption, this winner is going to be a frontier-roaming outlaw that can be hunted down after finding his wanted poster, which is actually really cool, I just wish Rockstar made the guy work for it. I was expecting some kind of absurd curly handlebar mustache to win. For example, something like this:

image

There's a guy that deserves to be hunted down and killed in a videogame. I should probably calm myself a few levels, as this whole contest was held to highlight men's health issues along with an event called Movember and all that. However, this chosen mustache, it just sends me into a rage.

Permalink

Somebody has a friend or a relation at Rockstar...either that or no-one entered. I have friends who grew better 'taches than that for Movember!

I agree that mustache is nothing special.

Now that mustache in the image below, thats a mustache.

Hell I'd award that guy with something just for his awesome mustache.

My D&D group was just looking at pictures of the world mustache competition winners for some reason that escapes me now a couple of days ago. Believe me, that 'absurd curly handlebar mustache' is run of the mill and sensible compared to some of the facial hair creations those dudes are sporting.

This is a tragedy worth crying yourself to sleep tonight about. Out of all the masculine manly moustaches, they chose this?!

Tragic, really tragic.

It's sad that they went with what they did. There's so much inspiration out there there's not excuse for going with something so plain.

Just look, there's even championships they could have been looking into! http://www.worldbeardchampionships.com/

That is more of a Van Dyke with the middle shaved off. Goatee would be sans the moustache and just chin hairs. :P

Screw that, what that game needs is A GUY WITH A MUSTACHE ON THE BACK OF HIS BALD HEAD - THAT'S AWESOME! (click the link in the article and you'll see it.)

image

You googled "badass mustache" didn't you?

At any rate, I would fucking kill for this myself but sadly my heritage prevents me from such glory.

Armored Prayer:
Now that mustache in the image below, thats a mustache.

You call that a mustache?

This is a mustache!

Ghostwise:
That is more of a Van Dyke with the middle shaved off. Goatee would be sans the moustache and just chin hairs. :P

Yeah, the winner there essentially has an anti-goatee.

If it was truly to be a best mustache contest, then only this man should win:

image

His mustache sends fear into the hearts of men.

Ambrose Burnside owns your asses.
image

The Sorrow:
Ambrose Burnside owns your asses.
image

That wins an internet! Why cant we have something more like that!

I agree, that mustache doesn't seem very distinctive. I would have expected them to find something really incredible since it's a bit character and then make people deny it could possibly have existed on a real person. :P

That said, I'll chalk it up to the gradual decline in Rockstar over the years (to me at least).

Hiphophippo:
image

You googled "badass mustache" didn't you?

At any rate, I would fucking kill for this myself but sadly my heritage prevents me from such glory.

NO.
I just googled it
It isn't in the 1st half of the 1st page. There are a few tho.

I agree. That mustache they choose isn't nearly as awesome as that curled handlebar guy.
Seriously, that (winning) guy's face looks like it's eating itself...

That is a rather epic moustache that fellow is sporting.

CanadianElite:

Hiphophippo:
image

You googled "badass mustache" didn't you?

At any rate, I would fucking kill for this myself but sadly my heritage prevents me from such glory.

NO.
I just googled it
It isn't in the 1st half of the 1st page. There are a few tho.

Second posting on my search.

TimeLord:
This is a mustache!

All hail the Octo-stache.

Why wouldn't they use that picture? The one they chose is just... boring.

God you guys are 'stache noobs. Facial hair's as easy to read as make-up on clowns or hookers. For example, if people were shot on sight for having a 'stache/goatee combo in videogames and movies you'd kill something like EVERY backstabbing friend/advisor/etc-turned-villain before they could make trouble. In a JRPG I played recently there was an elf with a long, wavy chin beard and I knew immediately he was gonna cross me. 30 hours later HA! CALLED IT.

Think about what the shape of the stuff you guys are trying to show off says about the character of the wearer:
Long hair shows vulnerability... maybe someone's mood is easy to spoil (viking) or they're unwell or frail (fu manchu).
Up-turned shapes are like a huge smile, all joyful and cheery.
The mustaches you guys are pimping might be great to protray some happy grandpa, or banker, or shop-keeper. They're shite to represent a minor villain.

Rockstar's choice is:
* Short so it doesn't get in the way and messed up = this is a practical man of action.
* Down-turned shape = our guy looks un-happy, maybe even a little regretful.
(if you wanted "dangerous" or "angry", you'd need something bristly like a viking or our man Burnside)
* bare chin = not very tricky, a schemer needs chin-hairs to stroke while plotting his evil
* It's easy to shave following the natural lines of your face, but this 'stache is trimmed in just a bit... looks natural enough for a tough guy but this is a high-maintenance feature, he's gotta trim it carefully and regularly or else it's gonna look like crap = our boy is a little bit metro (I guess it would be a "dandy" back then) conscious of his appearance and spends time and money looking good.

TheNumber1Zero:

TimeLord:
This is a mustache!

All hail the Octo-stache.

Why wouldn't they use that picture? The one they chose is just... boring.

Wouldn't it be either a sexastache (latin) or a hexastache (greek)?

dehnger2u:

TheNumber1Zero:

TimeLord:
This is a mustache!

All hail the Octo-stache.

Why wouldn't they use that picture? The one they chose is just... boring.

Wouldn't it be either a sexastache (latin) or a hexastache (greek)?

First off, I was making a reference to an Octopus, not a geometrical shape.

Second off, Welcome to the Escapist.
With any luck you'll get one of our special greetings shortly. Here's hoping you enjoy your stay

the guy does look like he would be in that game anyway, he fits in quite well

would you prefer go straight out into a curl and have a goatee the shape of a penis?

Tom Goldman:

image

As cool as that would have been, you have to understand that the contestants started out clean-shaven, and only had a month to grow their mustache out.

Still, I'm sure they could have picked something better.

NamesAreHardToPick:
SNIP

Still doesn't change the fact that it looks rather horrible.

I have to admit, that's pretty unimpressive.

Practical, but unimpressive.

Just got back through here and reread my post. I was trying to inject a bit of humor there....totally came off trollish....sorry......especially since I just registered.....been coming here for ages....ZP makes me dribble spit laughing......working my way through the rest of the site now......will try to be less chitty in the future!

 

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here