New Device Allows Dogs to Use Twitter

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New Device Allows Dogs to Use Twitter

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One of Mattel's latest toys will elevate tweeting to a level of uselessness not seen before.

A new toy developed by Mattel called "Puppy Tweets" is designed to relate a dog's daily experiences on Twitter. Simply sign the dog up for a Twitter account with a clever name of some sort (bonus points for "bark" or "arf" in the name) and place the device around the dog's neck. It comes in pink or blue for a very reasonable $30.

Puppy Tweets works by fusing directly to your pet's brain through a painful surgical procedure and cannot be removed once attached without killing the animal. Just kidding: it uses a variety of motion and sound sensors. If it were to detect, say, lots of annoying barking, it would tweet something clever like "Barking is the spice of life," or something similarly cringe-worthy.

The Puppy Tweets collar sends a wireless signal to a USB adapter that must be plugged into a computer whose power lever is pulled into the "on" position. The device comes loaded with over 500 different tweets it can annoy the internet with, and even more are planned as DLC. The tweets will likely cover acts such as defecation, urination, playing in the snow, licking parts of an animal's own reproductive system, drinking water, licking parts of another animal's reproductive system, taking a nap, eating feces, running, and eventually death. Sorry, but everything dies, even if it's wearing Puppy Tweets. Happy Valentine's Day.

(Via: Engadget)

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Thats funny as hell, however if it got it for my dog it would be "tweeting" "my owner is beating me to take out his anger on wasting money on this thing." Just kidding, I wouldn't buy it.

Whyyyyyyyy??? Why does a world have to exist where robotic dogs lacking faces can patrol the streets, and where multiplayer games have to suffer from Lag Gehrig's disease? (see what i did there?) Looking at you Bioshock 2!

That being said, why do the people who invented this still have their jobs? o.o

Heh... ha... haha.... AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, but this is beyond incredible. I'm tempted to get this for my dog (her Twitter would actually see more use than mine).

"Meh... boring day... OMG WALK, WALK, WALK, I'M GOING FOR A WAAAALLLKKKK"

I thought twitter was useless before but now I just despise it. I don't care what someones dog is doing, I can't imagine who would care. Then again...dogs scare me, don't judge meeeeeeee

Why?

Twitter shouldn't even be available for people

That has got to be, without a doubt, the stupidest invention I have ever heard of. Of all time.

Is there a Darwin Awards-equivalent for stuff like this?

I have now lost my last shred of faith in dogmanity.

This is the stupidest thing I've heard of in quite a while.

It must be some sort of joke.

I'm in a state shock right now.

I can't even think of anything.

Help?

Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.

Jakesnake:
Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.

This just in PLANT TWITTER, here's just a taste of what plants would twitter:

"......"

"..........."

"..........Oh not again."

"WATER ME, MOTHERFUCKER"

"Kill....Kill....Kill...."

"................................"

Julianking93:
Why?

Twitter shouldn't even be available for people

I agree with you so much right now.

Sir Kemper:
I'm in a state shock right now.

I can't even think of anything.

Help?

Just laugh and say how useless and stupid it is.

We need to start culling some of the social networking developers/advertisers/marketing people from the planet.

Twitting with Twatter is already and exercise in spreading the mindless, unintelligible boredom plague to anyone that cares to subscribe. Domestic animals probably wouldn't really be aware of what was going on if they were forced to partake but still, it feels like it'd be some form of animal cruelty.

Sir Kemper:

Jakesnake:
Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.

This just in PLANT TWITTER, here's just a taste of what plants would twitter:

"......"

"..........."

"..........Oh not again."

"WATER ME, MOTHERFUCKER"

"Kill....Kill....Kill...."

"................................"

"Feeeeed me, Seymour!"

This is the most useless invention since twitter...

Stop hating on this device. It'll probably increase the intelligence level of the average Tweet by a few dozen points, at least.

Oh look, they finally found a perfect market for their service!

Rhade:
We need to start culling some of the social networking developers/advertisers/marketing people from the planet.

Maybe we can bio-engineer a virus that will attack everyone who has no heart and/or is creatively sterile.

The Rogue Wolf:

Sir Kemper:

Jakesnake:
Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.

This just in PLANT TWITTER, here's just a taste of what plants would twitter:

"......"

"..........."

"..........Oh not again."

"WATER ME, MOTHERFUCKER"

"Kill....Kill....Kill...."

"................................"

"Feeeeed me, Seymour!"

Shhhhh, don't spiol the DLC.

That is the most stupidest thing I have ever seen and I love it. :D

Just think of the Tweets they'll give.

Woofy99: Bark
xXBonesXx: Bark
Woofy99: Bark Bark
DiggingAHole: Bark Bark Woof
Woofy99: LOL

In other words, it'll be just like what Twitter is now. XD

If dogs could talk all they'd say would be "HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY!

I thought this was a joke article at first. This is really a thing?! But... why?!

If I didn't know any better I'd say today was the first of April and I was the fool. I cannot believe this is real!
Also, this is the funniest News Room update since Yahtzee got Rickroll'd. El Em Ef Ay Oh!

this is very unbelivable
TECHlOGY MAKING TWITTER MORE USELESS

Julianking93:
Why?

Twitter shouldn't even be available for people

This, honestly the one thing that should be able to use Twitter is Serge from "Caprica" and only because he's adorable.

this is why Titter is worthless. A dog can do it, it must be worthless.

The Rogue Wolf:

Sir Kemper:

Jakesnake:
Great. First dogs, then mice, until you get down to plankton.

This just in PLANT TWITTER, here's just a taste of what plants would twitter:

"......"

"..........."

"..........Oh not again."

"WATER ME, MOTHERFUCKER"

"Kill....Kill....Kill...."

"................................"

"Feeeeed me, Seymour!"

And here I thought this thread would piss me off, but now I'm to busy laughing to be pissed.

OT: Really? What person would buy this for their pet?

Nevermind. They'll find someone to buy it.

Like they say, "On the internet no one knows you're a dog." Although typing nothing but "bark" and "woof" probably is a tip-off. Seriously, the stupid things people buy for their pets! Perhaps people should start eating some of their pets just to remind both of their proper hierarchy.

Um why? Most dogs just want to be fed food, given fresh water and be provided and nice spot to sleep and go pee. NOTHING ELSE!

Kollega:
Oh look, they finally found a perfect market for their service!

Rhade:
We need to start culling some of the social networking developers/advertisers/marketing people from the planet.

Maybe we can bio-engineer a virus that will attack everyone who has no heart and/or is creatively sterile.

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Creativity is great when it makes anything actually useful, rather than vapidly pointless. And hearts are generally a good thing to have, but it's also good to have some actual emotional tempering, to be able to handle stress and eventualities like bad things happing to good people, relationships maybe ending, death, etc. (That's more or less unrelated and non-directional, but a standard response to any 'no heart' comment).

*puts gun in mouth* goodbye cruel world *pulls trigger* it's empty. but this is an idea that might just kill humanity's brains. but my dog might actually be smarter than the majority of twitter users(this is a dog that ran into a glass door at 1 years old), so it will be fun to see if we can pick them out.

Rhade:
That's more or less unrelated and non-directional, but a standard response to any 'no heart' comment.

By that you imply that we should keep all the soulless accountants and marketing people around rather than just murder them all.

I said it once, I'll say it again: Twitter is for twats.

That's awful. That's animal cruelty right there! subjecting dogs to twitter, you monsters!

Honestly this idea is just stupid that I'm amazed it hasn't created a stupidity blackhole and sucked us all in. Nobody gives a damn about your dog. Who approved this stupid thing? only a select group of people are dumb enough to go with it and they wont return your investment.

that is retarded

I thought twitter was stupid enough as it is.

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