Court Gives Zombies Constitutional Rights

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Court Gives Zombies Constitutional Rights

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A Minneapolis appeals court has ruled wholeheartedly in favor of first amendment rights for zombies.

Back in 2006, a group of 7 "blind consumerism" protesters dressed up as the undead and traipsed around a Minneapolis mall. It's no surprise that someone called the cops on them, and that they were then arrested for disorderly conduct and put in jail for two nights. The group believed they were wrongfully arrested, and filed a federal lawsuit against the city of Minneapolis, which was at first struck down but has now been allowed to continue by an appeals court.

The zombie protesters were wearing fake blood, white powder, and had black circles around their eyes, so they definitely looked like some creepy-ass dudes. They were also carrying audio equipment and wireless phone handsets (cellphones?) that police described as "simulated weapons of mass destruction." Despite the protester's methods and carrying of these "weapons," the appeals court says that the police were unjustified in the arrest by a vote of two-to-one.

"An objectively reasonable person would not think probable cause exists under the Minnesota disorderly conduct statue to arrest a group of peaceful people for engaging in an artistic protest by playing music, broadcasting statements (and) dressing as zombies," the court ruled. The protesters' lawsuit seeks $50,000 in damages per arrest, claiming that their zombie constitutional rights were violated.

Depending on the level of behavior the zombie protesters were exhibiting, I may agree with the appeal court's decision. If the police told them to leave the mall, and they didn't, they deserve the arrest. If they were immediately arrested for walking around like zombies, and weren't touching or harming anyone around them, there may be some credence to the wrongful arrest lawsuit, though $50,000 in damages sounds like a bit much.

The big issue here is that we all just became a lot less safe as a society that will, without a doubt, eventually be overrun by zombies. How are we to know when the zombie apocalypse begins if the undead have the right to walk the streets by law? My rule of thumb has been and always will be to kill any zombie I see and worry about if it was someone in a costume later. I'm not going to get eaten just because some college kids hate the mall.

(Via: Sci-Fi Wire)

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That is epically awesome. I hope the don't rule zombie's right to eat.

Well, this is a weird article. I'd put money on "they were immediately arrested" when it comes down to it, most cops don't have a sense of humor.

What! This is terrible! If we start giving zombies rights then eventually we'll get a PETA-esque group trying to give them more!

wow. just goes to show how rebelious and creative people can get. i applaud these zombies

As long as they weren't snacking on people's brains, I don't see why they should be arrested.

Zombies are humans too!

Ah shit. Alright everyone, prepare for zombie apocalypse. Try to find other Escapists in your area and begin building fortresses.

claiming that their zombie constitutional rights were violated.

This made me chuckle. I'm glad this is going ahead for giggles alone

The Zombies are taking over the government!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!

/Francis

I hate constitutional rights.

lol omg zombie rights haha what next womens right

that was a joke please dont flame me

Hehehe... I read this on Fark yesterday. I can only hope that zombies never become aware of the fact that they're constitutionally protected. Otherwise they'll be ever-so-slightly more dangerous (they'll have the option of suing you as well as eating you, scary...).

They were likely arrested on the spot, but 50k is harsh man...

And who cares if zombies have rights? I dont think the government would stick to that policy in 12 days the zombie apocalypse.

Alright good for them, as long as we can't be sued for shooting real zombies in the face than I'm fine with this.

hURR dURR dERP:
As long as they weren't snacking on people's brains, I don't see why they should be arrested.

Zombies are humans too!

Used to be humans.

Ok, thats a little odd.

Um... go zombie freedom?

The_root_of_all_evil:
/Francis

I hate constitutional rights.

I knew something like that was coming...

Tom Goldman:
Back in 2006, a group of 7 "blind consumerism" protesters dressed up as the undead and traipsed around a Minneapolis mall.

The protesters' lawsuit seeks $50,000 in damages per arrest, claiming that their zombie constitutional rights were violated.

If they were immediately arrested for walking around like zombies, and weren't touching or harming anyone around them, there may be some credence to the wrongful arrest lawsuit, though $50,000 in damages sounds like a bit much.

You know, the irony here is that the protestors are after $50,000 in damages and yet they are apparently anti-consumerism. Which begs the question, what will they do with all that money if they win? I'm pretty certain that any other teenager would be straight back to that mall if they had that much money...

wepons of mass destruction......damn our government is full of [email protected]#$ing Co$% suc#[email protected]*

In all honesty if they were protesting they are supposed to notify the authorities before hand so this doesn't happen.

Since it was INSIDE a private shopping structure theyre definately supposed to notify the authorities.

Those fools. When they're flesh starts getting eaten, they better not come complaining to me.

No zombie arresting! Go for the head! This is Dawn of the Dead, not the Departed!

aaah, lovely lovely

Damn it! How can we withstand the horde now that they have equal rights?

This is another great day in the pro-zombie movement. Next on the agenda; No segregation in safe-rooms.

Tom Goldman:
My rule of thumb has been and always will be to kill any zombie I see and worry about if it was someone in a costume later.

But what if it's one of those "vegetarian" zombies who survive by only eating the brains of animals........oh snap I just got a good idea for a novel.

This is only the beginging... soon my brother's shall rise from there undead slumber to-

Er i mean, who else enjoys partakeing in all sort's of 100% living, breathing human things?

Is it really that hard for mall security to ask them to please leave the premises? That way, they could be arrested for trespassing.

why does this never happen at my mall? but I think that this is in order: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OARmqz48Mh0

oh my god i saw these guy's at the mall when they got arrested alot of people were confused by it and the little kids were scared but me and my friends thought that they were awesome but Minnesota at the time and is still a weird state to be in

Its nice to know that when we all become infected with the zombie virus,we will still have our constitutional rights.Sweet.

DRADIS C0ntact:

Tom Goldman:
My rule of thumb has been and always will be to kill any zombie I see and worry about if it was someone in a costume later.

But what if it's one of those "vegetarian" zombies who survive by only eating the brains of animals........oh snap I just got a good idea for a novel.

There's something like that already, albeit with vampires (the good kind), it's called [/i]The Nymphos of Rocky Flats[/i], it's as weird as it sounds, and the main character Felix, is a vampire that only feeds on animal blood and as a result, slowly loses his powers.

HA! I live in Minneapolis! Fuck you all, we got zombies!

It was just a blatant attempt to get a quick cash in. Its pretty transparent.

This, is why the safest place on Earth during a zombie apocalypse is and always will be amongst geeks ...

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWD
why does EVERYBODY diserve rights?
dont tell me you havent seen a person who did something evil(like a baby rapist and puppy eater) who is protected by law and given nothing more than a fugging WARNING.
thats why this world need a harsh dictator who makes people "disappear" if they wave thier rights.

in the event of a zombie apocolypse, there ARE going to be hippie PETA douche type people who will do anything for zomibie rights, and THEY are the people who I will kill first, ill leave the zombie killing to you untill im done with them.
I think ill lock them in a room and tie them up and release a SINGLE zombie in that room, and laugh as they say things like "I respect your right to eat me" inbetween thier screems.^_^

EDIT
I dont care if thats extremely sadistic and psycho, if that happens Im gonna laugh my ass of, and possably video tape it

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