Strap Yourself In for a Dolph Lundgren Dungeon Siege Epic

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Strap Yourself In for a Dolph Lundgren Dungeon Siege Epic

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Uwe Boll is getting ready to direct a sequel to the Dungeon Siege movie starring none other than the Red Scorpion himself.

First things first: Yes, a sequel to In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, aka the worst thing Jason Statham has ever done, is in the works. And yes, every gamer's favorite film director Uwe Boll is at the helm once again. But this time around, Statham is out, replaced by the Big Red Machine, Dolph Lundgren, who plays "an ex-middle ages war veteran who gets f**ked up but he gets pulled into some sort of medieval power struggle, kind of gets a bit of a redemption for all his pains in service."

You get all that? Lundgren, who's appeared in films only sporadically over the past decade or so, said he was looking forward to "exercising his acting chops" as he gets ready for Expendables 2.

The Dungeon Siege name is being dropped from the title of the new film, which will be known simply as In the Name of the King 2. Fortunately for those who appreciate this sort of thing, the essential qualities that underlie every Uwe Boll film will remain intact. "It's like contemporary, right now big city, and we have Dolph Lundgren basically being a cop or like a fighting coordinator working as this, and one night he gets attacked by ninjas in his house and fell with the ninjas into a vortex back in time," the director explained, describing what sounds like a classic Boll flick. "And then it turns out it's like 50 years after the first part, In the Name of the King, ended, and Ehb is destroyed and everybody is dead, Jason Statham and everybody who was in the first part, got wiped out."

"They say he was basically sent into the future, he's the son of Jason Statham, and he was sent into the future, brought up in an orphanage, because the parents felt that they would all die," he continued. "So he is basically the last survivor of the kingdom of Ehb so he should bring the kingdom back in charge."

So to sum up, Dolph Lundgren gets attacked by ninjas, sucked into a time vortex and dropped on his ass as the new King of Ehb. Is that not epic? I'm thinking that it might actually be time to watch a Uwe Boll movie. No word yet on when this blockbuster motion picture event will get a theatrical release but shooting is set to begin early next year.

Trivia bit: Although best known for playing gigantic Russian killing machines, Lundgren was actually born in Sweden, is a Fulbright Scholar with a master's degree in chemical engineering and speaks seven languages. Oh, and there's apparently going to be an Expendables 2.

Source: Bloginity

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why do we still give this guy money?

Expendables 2?

Fuck. If I wanted to see aging action stars kick ass, I'd watch RED. Because it's not shit.

Damn, I want a RED 2.

Andy Chalk:
Trivia bit: Although best known for playing gigantic Russian killing machines, Lundgren was actually born in Sweden, is a Fulbright Scholar with a master's degree in chemical engineering and speaks seven languages. Oh, and there's apparently going to be an Expendables 2.

What, seriously? They're making an Expendables 2?

Ummm, no, the worst thing Statham has done was The Bank Job. What a boring piece of shit THAT was. In the Name of the King was actually a decent Uwe Boll movie, in comparison to his other movies and the other fantasy action film that came out that year, Eragon

vanthebaron:
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why do we still give this guy money?

I don't think anyone does. He probably beats up people in the cinema and steals their wallets.

Hah, I loved Expendables. And Dolph was actually awesome in that flick, I'm sorry he didnt get more screentime.

Its not a smart movie by any stretch, but it is a blast from an awesome past.

OT: Not gonna be watching In the name of: the sequel.

MurderousToaster:

vanthebaron:
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why do we still give this guy money?

I don't think anyone does. He probably beats up people in the cinema and steals their wallets.

Mr.Burns probably gives him the money, hes a sadist.

Uwe is the devil. You all know this to be true.

Dolph Lundgren on the other hand, SO AWESOME!
Will probably watch the movie just for the sake of some Dolph action

Hey, the Uwe Boll commentary on the DVD is some of the best movie entertainment at that price today. For all the wrong reasons of course, but still!
"When life gives you a burning trainwreck, get the marshmallows"

I look forward to Boll embarrassing both himself and the art of popular cinema once again.
But hey, at least it's not Michael Bay.

Uwe only makes popcorn mush.. but Dolph is the king of popcorn mush, so this could be quite awesome

endnuen:
Uwe is the devil. You all know this to be true.

Dolph Lundgren on the other hand, SO AWESOME!
Will probably watch the movie just for the sake of some Dolph action

I didn't watch the first despite Statham being in it, so I'll probably skip this, too. But I agree with you on Lundgren.

I just can't see any good coming from this project. Unless it's the last movie in Bolle's contract with the Devil.

As face-meltingly awesome as the idea of Dolph Lundgren fighting ninjas and doing the Time Warp happens to be, it's still being directed by Uwe Boll.

While in the name of the king was pretty terrible, it's the best Uwe film to date. Still, why we are going to be cursed with a second one is beyond anyone's guess.

This is a message to Uwe Boll. Your movies suck and your name is stupid. Jump off a volcano and film it, it would be the first good movie you've ever made.

Who keeps giving this guy money and work? Seriously, why? How?!

Did they misconstrue all the hate about him as "buzz"? Who was stupid enough to do that? WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO US?!

First off, Andy Chalk, THANK YOU for realizing that Dungeon Siege is the worst movie Stathom has done, as I've seen a few other articles try and claim it was the Crank movies that was his worse.

And second, how is Boll getting money still? I thought Germany patched that gaping loophole shut finally after all the pillaging Boll did to it. Or is it that by patching that loophole, several virgin ones sprang up that Boll has immediately pounced upon to ravage?

haha :D god bless that man, i love how he explains his movies, if you are shocked that its going to be crap then you clearly wasn't paying attention.

also:

cursedseishi:

And second, how is Boll getting money still? I thought Germany patched that gaping loophole shut finally after all the pillaging Boll did to it. Or is it that by patching that loophole, several virgin ones sprang up that Boll has immediately pounced upon to ravage?

ew, dude, please use metaphors carefully, you risk putting a image in peoples mind.

Now get David Hasselhoff playing as an evil warlord and we can look foward to the most 'epic' movie ever made.

Practice acting for The Expendables 2... Yeah I don't think the acting was the major appeal of that particular film.

Andy Chalk:
"They say he was basically sent into the future, he's the son of Jason Statham, and he was sent into the future, brought up in an orphanage, because the parents felt that they would all die," he continued. "So he is basically the last survivor of the kingdom of Ehb so he should bring the kingdom back in charge."

Dolph's playing the sword & sorcery version of Cable?

Andy Chalk:
Trivia bit: Although best known for playing gigantic Russian killing machines, Lundgren was actually born in Sweden, is a Fulbright Scholar with a master's degree in chemical engineering and speaks seven languages.

You forgot international Kyokushin Karate champion. And unicorn abuser:

Andy Chalk:
Oh, and there's apparently going to be an Expendables 2.

I thought a new Uwe Boll movie was the worst news I heard all day, but I was wrong...

I'll see expendables 2 if Jean Claude Van-dam makes a cameo, I don't care how thin and sickly he looks.

As for Dungeon Siege it sounds like a Friday night flick for me.

Dolphan is the best thing to happen Sweden since IKEA!

...or was it meatballs?

If there's one thing I love, it's a good movie. If there's two things I love it's good movies and really bad movies. I'm renting this the day it's released to DVD (assuming it doesn't go to theaters), getting drunk with my friends, and laugh as we all rip it to shreds.

I'd watch that for a dollar! Or 2....

vanthebaron:
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why do we still give this guy money?

I remember reading somewhere that he uses some kind of German grant system to fund his own movies.

Zachary Amaranth:

endnuen:
Uwe is the devil. You all know this to be true.

Dolph Lundgren on the other hand, SO AWESOME!
Will probably watch the movie just for the sake of some Dolph action

I didn't watch the first despite Statham being in it, so I'll probably skip this, too. But I agree with you on Lundgren.

I just can't see any good coming from this project. Unless it's the last movie in Bolle's contract with the Devil.

Dolph will make it watchable.

Falseprophet:

Andy Chalk:
"They say he was basically sent into the future, he's the son of Jason Statham, and he was sent into the future, brought up in an orphanage, because the parents felt that they would all die," he continued. "So he is basically the last survivor of the kingdom of Ehb so he should bring the kingdom back in charge."

Dolph's playing the sword & sorcery version of Cable?

Andy Chalk:
Trivia bit: Although best known for playing gigantic Russian killing machines, Lundgren was actually born in Sweden, is a Fulbright Scholar with a master's degree in chemical engineering and speaks seven languages.

You forgot international Kyokushin Karate champion. And unicorn abuser:

Andy Chalk:
Oh, and there's apparently going to be an Expendables 2.

I thought a new Uwe Boll movie was the worst news I heard all day, but I was wrong...

THAT IS THE MOST AWESOME COMMERCIAL IN THE UNIVERSE!
*clicks in and buys lifetime Norton*

Jesus Phish:

vanthebaron:
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why do we still give this guy money?

I remember reading somewhere that he uses some kind of German grant system to fund his own movies.

massive bullshit...I do like that gif thought.

Not even Dolph can save a Boll movie.. Although, I was really surprised with Rampage, maybe Boll is starting to....improve?

Swaki:
haha :D god bless that man, i love how he explains his movies, if you are shocked that its going to be crap then you clearly wasn't paying attention.

also:

cursedseishi:

And second, how is Boll getting money still? I thought Germany patched that gaping loophole shut finally after all the pillaging Boll did to it. Or is it that by patching that loophole, several virgin ones sprang up that Boll has immediately pounced upon to ravage?

ew, dude, please use metaphors carefully, you risk putting a image in peoples mind.

Sorry, I personally regret typing it as well, since the image is in my head soon after proof-reading it...
It still sticks though, which is ultimately why i hit post. I mean god, he made millions upon millions with the law, when all he had to do was throw a few thousand at casting a bunch of male and female prostitutes to do the acting, use several sheets of toilet paper to make his script, and well... nothing else I can really think of. If that ain't abuse of something, I don't know what his... (and I know about Rhianna and her getting beat up, beat up, beat up, hey hey).

edit: if it helps though, just try to find some japanese hentai, and your mind will be soothed, as that stuff is crazier than anything I could ever type. Or 4-chan... 4-chan is crazier too...

JaredXE:
Ummm, no, the worst thing Statham has done was The Bank Job. What a boring piece of shit THAT was. In the Name of the King was actually a decent Uwe Boll movie, in comparison to his other movies and the other fantasy action film that came out that year, Eragon

I fucking loved The Bank Job thank you very much. Not every Statham movie needs to be him killing everyone.

cursedseishi:
First off, Andy Chalk, THANK YOU for realizing that Dungeon Siege is the worst movie Stathom has done, as I've seen a few other articles try and claim it was the Crank movies that was his worse.

Are you kidding me? Crank was AWESOME.

Fortunately, my personal boycott on all things Uwe Boll will prevent me from wasting money on anything made by someone who has gone on to state, publicly, that he has no regard for the video game industry and it's story potential. If movies were still filmed on physical film, my personal heaven would involve hanging the man by a noose built from the masters of all his shitty movies. It's a shame that I can see his movies becoming cult b-movies classics in 20 years. What trash. There will be a special place in Hell reserved for him.

Andy Chalk:

cursedseishi:
First off, Andy Chalk, THANK YOU for realizing that Dungeon Siege is the worst movie Stathom has done, as I've seen a few other articles try and claim it was the Crank movies that was his worse.

Are you kidding me? Crank was AWESOME.

I know, right? It's sheer insanity! Crank and Crank 2 are some of the craziest, balls-to-the-sandpaper-walls movies you can see without downloading or importing them from Japan. It's mindless, inventive chaos wrapped around in a snuggly blanket of ass-whooping, impromptu sex, and old-lady grinding.

Glad to see some people are sane though.

WanderingFool:

Andy Chalk:
Trivia bit: Although best known for playing gigantic Russian killing machines, Lundgren was actually born in Sweden, is a Fulbright Scholar with a master's degree in chemical engineering and speaks seven languages. Oh, and there's apparently going to be an Expendables 2.

What, seriously? They're making an Expendables 2?

Yeah, this time they're up against the CIA and MR Church.

OT: Hasn't Boll gotten it yet? He doesn't make good movies!

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