Vader Wants You to Know: Obi-Wan is Dead

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Vader Wants You to Know: Obi-Wan is Dead

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This is a major victory against the Rebel Alliance, but the Dark Lord of the Sith won't release photos of the body ...

The news of Osama Bin Laden's death has been met with wide variety of reactions, including parodies and videogame send-ups. However, a new satire on the Web shows how the news would've been broken if it had been Darth Vader addressing the death of another dangerous terrorist: Obi-Wan Kenobi.

A fake version of the New York Times website -dubbed the "Galactic Empire Times"- is running a front-page story (accompanied by the picture of Vader at a pulpit) that talks about how Galactic Empire forces were able to kill its number one enemy. According to the story:

"For over two decades, Kenobi has been the Jedi rebellion's leader and symbol," the Lord of the Sith said in a statement broadcast across the galaxy via HoloNet. "The death of Kenobi marks the most significant achievement to date in our empire's effort to defeat the rebel alliance. But his death does not mark the end of our effort. There's no doubt that the rebellion will continue to pursue attacks against us. We must and we will remain vigilant at home and abroad."

The story also features various multi-media tie-ins (which link to a Star Wars wiki site), as well as a link to the original story shown on the New York Times official site.

The site is a pretty clever piece of satire, apparently created by Robert Scott in New York. Hopefully he'll do a follow-up piece where Vader addresses conspiracy theories about the news; you know, the ones where people say the story was made up to distract from his fake birth certificate.

Source: Galactic Empire Times Online

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This is...so legit..

That is priceless.

This just reminds me that I can't remember WHY The Empire is evil :P

Tch.
Coverup. They didn't nab all of Obi's cohorts. I bet they'll have some guy as bad, or worse come up and want to avenge him or something.

Win. Awesome win.
Love it.

Sure, Vader will claim all the credit, but we all know that the last Sith Lord did all the work. Vader will just use this in his reelection campaign.

They still have newspapers in the future?

Epic - just epic!

Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

Heh, someone should make a press conference of Vader's auspicious announcement!

Just fucking brilliant, I'm glad to see that such a vile monster has been brought to justice.

I love the internet, and this is another reason to love it even more.

Hilarious :P

I believe this is the proper time to talk with people about joining the forces.

Have you considered coming to the Navy yet? Think about it, think about the possibilities! The freedom! The adventures!

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

I'ma still waiting on that birth certificate
he can't even tell us who his father was.

It's because I wasn't online when they posted this

HankMan:

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

I'ma still waiting on that birth certificate
he can't even tell us who his father was.

It's because I wasn't online when they posted this

Would you want people to know your father was a retarded plot device?

EDIT: Read the comments below, some are amazing like the Gear Hutt spam bot.

Lord Vader has denied requests to present photographs of the body, describing them as "too gruesome" for the general public.

This coming from a guy who has a face like a half-eaten albino prune...

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

The same reason why I'm the first to say:

Your lack of faith disturbs me.

... "pulpet"...?

(It's "pulpit".:)

Have to admit, that is pretty freaking clever. Kudos and well done, sir.

Kuchinawa212:
Tch.
Coverup. They didn't nab all of Obi's cohorts. I bet they'll have some guy as bad, or worse come up and want to avenge him or something.

Oh, quit being paranoid.

A farm boy from Tatooine managing a successful attack on something as heavily armoured as the Death Star? Who'd be dumb enough to believe that?

Darth Vader may pretend to be a devout Sith, but we know the real truth - he's actually a dangerous Secret Benduvian. I mean, he even has the gall to show us the Benduvian crest on his Pulpitt - he's really talking to his Bendu Monk Masters in Ando Prime. Wake up Citauntaunzens!

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

Take a look at the "comments" on the news page itself. They're even better than the article.

And he too was in the last place they expected to find him! Hilarious.

I can only hope that this will finally put to rest the ugly rumors that Lord Vader is a 'secret Jedi', but I'm not holding my breath. Did you know that there are those who claim, with a completely straight face, that Vader was a student of Obi Wan! These people are about as 'credible' as those idiots who claim that Yoda isn't dead and is hiding out in a shack on a backwoods swamp planet... Yeah, sure.

For all those who suffered at the wrath of Obi-Wan, I dedicate this song. Here's to some closure.

Solid Imperial Gold, right there.

This reminds me of Concerned (the best gaming comic and the third best comic in general).

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vansau:
The site is a pretty clever piece of satire, apparently created by Robert Grossman of Robert Scott Art in New York. Hopefully he'll do a follow-up piece where Vader addresses conspiracy theories about the news; you know, the ones where people say the story was made up to distract from his fake birth certificate.

I believe the droids you're looking for (apologies) are actually the following conspiracy theory:
The story was made up to distract from allegations that Lord Vader is, in fact, more machine than man. I don't expect those allegations will be laid to rest until he produces a certificate that he saved his son from Emperor Palpatine.

Obi Wan isn't really dead! This is all just a conspiracy made by the empire!

Obi-Wan can't be dead
The force is with him

/hatoff

Fuckin' A. I only wish they did a full Obama speech mockup video.

Instantly favorited.

The site is a pretty clever piece of satire, apparently created by Robert Grossman of Robert Scott Art in New York. Hopefully he'll do a follow-up piece where Vader addresses conspiracy theories about the news; you know, the ones where people say the story was made up to distract from his fake birth certificate.

Well, he WAS conceived by midichlorians right?

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