Vader Wants You to Know: Obi-Wan is Dead

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT
 

So what's a more believable scenario:
We don't have a picture of the body becuase he was immediately buried at sea?
Or
We don't have a picture of the body because he dissapeared as soon as my lightsaber struck him?

I'm going to with the latter.

This has made my day, it really has.

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

This explains everything!!! There's no body because Osama vanished into the netherworld of the Force when he was shot and now he's more powerful than we could possibly imagine!!! It's all so simple!!!

That was amazing. The comment section is just the icing on the cake.

OutrageousEmu:

Kuchinawa212:
Tch.
Coverup. They didn't nab all of Obi's cohorts. I bet they'll have some guy as bad, or worse come up and want to avenge him or something.

Oh, quit being paranoid.

A farm boy from Tatooine managing a successful attack on something as heavily armoured as the Death Star? Who'd be dumb enough to believe that?

While I'll admit that the Death Star probably isn't in any danger of being destroyed anytime soon, especially from those blasted Rebels, I still think the whole project was unnecessary. This is a terrorist organization, not an invading force. We don't need something that big or expensive made, when we could instead buy more ships for the Imperial Fleet.

Still glad they got the Jedi bastard. Hopefully this will help to end this whole conflict on the Outer Rim and our boys in white can come home finally.

This would be perfect if there was a accompanying video with vader voice.

Irony's Acolyte:

OutrageousEmu:

Kuchinawa212:
Tch.
Coverup. They didn't nab all of Obi's cohorts. I bet they'll have some guy as bad, or worse come up and want to avenge him or something.

Oh, quit being paranoid.

A farm boy from Tatooine managing a successful attack on something as heavily armoured as the Death Star? Who'd be dumb enough to believe that?

While I'll admit that the Death Star probably isn't in any danger of being destroyed anytime soon, especially from those blasted Rebels, I still think the whole project was unnecessary. This is a terrorist organization, not an invading force. We don't need something that big or expensive made, when we could instead buy more ships for the Imperial Fleet.

Still glad they got the Jedi bastard. Hopefully this will help to end this whole conflict on the Outer Rim and our boys in white can come home finally.

You're one of those kinds who supports Universal MidichlorianCare, aren't you?

Look, you have to get these people where they live and let them know they have no more options. The Death Star represents the ability to destroy a planet. There is no force to make that look insignifigant, and you can choke me from across the room before I say otherwise.

twm1709:

The site is a pretty clever piece of satire, apparently created by Robert Grossman of Robert Scott Art in New York. Hopefully he'll do a follow-up piece where Vader addresses conspiracy theories about the news; you know, the ones where people say the story was made up to distract from his fake birth certificate.

Well, he WAS conceived by midichlorians right?

I thought he was concieved by Palpatine. Thats what they kept hinting in the third movie.

This is hilarious. I suppose Bin-Laden's body disappeared because he was a jedi too right? -_-

Too funny, just too damn funny.

The best part about that page is the comments thread that keep in character at the bottom.

icyneesan:
This just reminds me that I can't remember WHY The Empire is evil :P

They blew up Alderan killing billions.

Psycho Cat Industries:
They still have newspapers in the future?

"A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...."

I apologize, sir, but as a nitpicking fanboy, I could not let that go un-nitpicked.

I don't believe it! There have already been sightings made of Obi-Wan. This is just more Empire propoganda getting us to believe they are actually doing more than just sitting on their thrones...
image
Here is an obvious picture taken of Kenobi since the alleged incident, on another planet to boot. What do you have to say to that, Darth?

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

Actually, Darth Vader might have a hard time explaining that one.

"Ehhh... it... apparently it just... disappeared and... You know what? We buried him in space."

*clap. clap* Well done New York Times, WELL DONE! lol:D

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

The comments on their site are full of these lol

Smeagol150:
Sure, Vader will claim all the credit, but we all know that the last Sith Lord did all the work. Vader will just use this in his reelection campaign.

You mean Darth Clinton? The one who put out the hit ordered the assassination of Obi Wan Kenobi?

icyneesan:
This just reminds me that I can't remember WHY The Empire is evil :P

The rebels said so, of course...

wait a minute...

obviously this can only mean one thing, Osama was killed by Obama in a Lightsaber Battle.

This just made my day and gave me a good chuckle too.

HankMan:

Jamboxdotcom:
Bullshit! Where's the frakkin' body?!

seriously, how did no one beat me to that joke?

I'ma still waiting on that birth certificate
he can't even tell us who his father was.

What I find suspicious is that Obi-Wan was killed inside the Death Star, and yet the Imperial government denies any knowledge of it.

Of course, what this story is really covering up is that Vader is actually a member of a subversive religion. However much he might protest, he was raised Jedi, and even went to a Jedi school. Sure, he claims to be a Sith now, but he's actually a marxist-socialist-Jedi who sectretly prays three times a day while facing the ruins of Dantooine enclave.

Rocketboy13:

icyneesan:
This just reminds me that I can't remember WHY The Empire is evil :P

They blew up Alderan killing billions.

Plus, oppression and shit. All the racism, too, now that I think of it. They were also led by an evil wizard, if that counts for anything.

Sure, they brought structure to the galaxy, and repaired what the crumbling democracy of the Republic had let go to seed, but at the price of racial and religious tyranny. And this is why we don't vote for fundamentalists, kids; eventually a plucky farmboy will blow the shit out of their base, and it'll all be downhill from there. Sarah Palin had better block all the vents on her house...

Psycho Cat Industries:
They still have newspapers in the future?

No, but they did a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Well of course there's no photographs of Obi-wan's dead body, there was no body!

The Youth Counselor:
The best part about that page is the comments thread that keep in character at the bottom.

Yeah, the comments were the best part. Fuckin' A man.

Rocketboy13:

icyneesan:
This just reminds me that I can't remember WHY The Empire is evil :P

They blew up Alderan killing billions.

But if there were no Rebels, would they even blow up Alderan?

lol fantastically done.

I....need...a video of that...

Maybe Chad Vader could make it?

This is really fantastic satire!
Even the comments section is hilarious and in-universe

paganeer exercise

icyneesan:

Rocketboy13:

icyneesan:
This just reminds me that I can't remember WHY The Empire is evil :P

They blew up Alderan killing billions.

But if there were no Rebels, would they even blow up Alderan?

If you are able to follow Padme's logic (which you would deserve a prize for), I think it's something about their leader taking special wartime powers.

Which would make just about every government of all time evil.

I saw this on /b/ last night. Laughed for life, five minutes after reading the whole thing.

the only thing that betters this post is the comment feed below it ^_^ Masterful.

Brilliant! Hopefully it wasn't only a one-time thing. Would I make a satire site like "the Galactic Empire Times" a daily read if they ran with it?

YOUBETCHA!

The best bit are the comments there that are a mock up of all the commentaries from the actual geronimo event.

 Pages PREV 1 2 3 4 NEXT

Reply to Thread

Log in or Register to Comment
Have an account? Login below:
With Facebook:Login With Facebook
or
Username:  
Password:  
  
Not registered? To sign up for an account with The Escapist:
Register With Facebook
Register With Facebook
or
Register for a free account here