Celebrate X-Mas With An Official Plush Portal Turret

Celebrate X-Mas With An Official Plush Portal Turret

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Just in time for the holidays, Thinkgeek is rolling out a line of official Portal 2 plush turrets that do everything except gun people down.

Set to debut on December 18, the $30 plush is a little over a foot tall, has a glowing red eye on the front of its fuzzy carapace and reacts to external stimuli with the sort of Portal-appropriate quotes a fan might expect.

Notice that I said "reacts to external stimuli," instead of "says." This isn't one of those dolls that you squeeze to hear a litany of pre-recorded pabulum. Instead, the plush turret responds to things much as its virtual analogue would. Knock it over and it might say, "I don't hate you." Move your hand in front of its motion sensor and the plush will reply with, "There you are." Ignore it and the clingy machine would sadly quip, "Target lost."

Being a heterosexual male stereotype, I was raised to shun things like plush dolls and outward displays of emotion in favor of wrestling bears and punching commies, but this turret has just the right combination of fan service and adorable functionality to break through my hardened shell of Viking-esque masculinity. I want one. Actually, scratch that; I want to fill my room with dozens so I can take a Scrooge McDuckian dive into the middle of a plush ocean.

As I lie there, squealing with glee (and brain trauma because I smashed my head against the ground), my plush pals will serenade me with friendly words that would otherwise precede a hail of gunfire. When the bullets fail to arrive, we snuggle.

Despite its appearance as some kind of Dadaist attempt at official endorsement, the above is not at all a for-profit attempt at pushing your cash toward these things. I just really like them is all. So, with that disclosure out of the way, you ought to nab one of these turrets before they sell out. A full rundown of the plush's capabilities can be found on the Thinkgeek website, and if any of you would would like to send me one or fourteen of these fuzzy lil' dudes, I won't complain.

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Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

I need one. I need one right now.

Shut up and take my money! Oh dear god, it is adorable. I want one so bad.

It's adorable!

I'm not even a portal fan and I want one!

Just look at the thing! How could you NOT love it!

I must have it!
I am going to treat you well, turret. No cube throwing, I promise.

Should not have shown the GF that...granted she'll still be surprised when she gets hers in the mail a week or two after X-Mas...

That is simply adorable!

Must. Have. NOW!

Totally getting one....or two...or three.

I think I've just found what I want for Christmas...

I MUST HAS!!!
I want hundreds of them!
I've been pining after all the fan made ones trying to figure out how to make one for myself, and Valve comes along and just gives me one? And all they ask is for my money? Hellz yeah!

Ok. I'm sorry wallet but I need this.

I'LL TAKE 20.
That guy's face in the picture accurately displays the reaction to such a thing that I can imagine many would have.

DO WANT.
And it's exactly like that fan one! :D

WHERE DO I BUY ONE?!

Srsly, can someone tell me?

OMG I really really really really fucking want one.

OT: {Insert Hererosexual male squee here}

I wants it, it has so many uses. It will act as a sentry for my room, it is soft and snuggleable, it can entertain my younger relatives.

Yay! I could add this to my plushie collection consisting of: Miku Hatsune, Hitagi Senjougahara, Reimu Hakurei, Black★Rock Shooter, Yuri Lowell, Kamina, Kuusano, Mikan Yuuki, Luka Megurine, Mai Kawasumi, Konata Izumi, and I can't seem to see the rest...

I need one. Do they come in animal king colors?

(Also, the news article itself was hilarious. Kudos)

So adorable! I want it. Get five of them. Feed one of them tons of bullets so it'll get fat and teach them how to sing. Can somebody say turret opera?

They could sell them four at a time if when you stuck em close to each other they'd play the turret serenade from that secret room in one of the test chambers. I would pay that obscene amount of money to.

So yeah ... when they come back in stock I'm getting one. Hopefully by then they'll have cheap shipping to the UK. No other game has even got me close to considering buying merchandise. Not even a Bioware hoodie has tempted me but this ... I need all the Portal things!

It's so cute... I hope they can ship that to Australia!

Is the man in the picture included? If not no deal.

I like where this is going.

*really loud girl squee*

I want one NOW!!

I'm really sorry bank account, but I must do this, FOR SCIENCE! And for snuggling.

I really hope the make the different cores available as plush cores including an onboard soundclip that starts the hilarious core monologues.

Shipping to Canada is outrageous. Not worth it.

I will put it next to my Weighted Comapnion Cube :D

Being a heterosexual male stereotype, I was raised to shun things like plush dolls and outward displays of emotion in favor of wrestling bears and punching commies, but this turret has just the right combination of fan service and adorable functionality to break through my hardened shell of Viking-esque masculinity. I want one.

You too huh? and here i thought i was the only one

<.<

>.>

 

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