Snoop Dogg Offers Waffle-centric RAGE Survival Guide

Snoop Dogg Offers Waffle-centric RAGE Survival Guide

Rapper, actor, canine shapeshifter, and now gaming journalist; is there anything that Snoop Dogg can't do?

In celebration of the recent release of id Software's open-world, dystopian shooter RAGE, publisher Bethesda Softworks tapped rapper-cum-marijuana advocate Calvin "Snoop Dogg" Broadus to promote the game via a filmed series of "survival guides" for the title.

The first guide, embedded at top-right, sees our host laying out the essential gear one might want to take with them into RAGE's post-apocalyptic hellscape. Can you take a guess as to what The Doggfather considers his "bare necessities?" Guns, maybe? Dr. Dre's The Chronic?

Nope. Turns out you need a waffle maker. That's not a euphemism either. Snoop just straight up loves him some waffles, and regardless of how many mutants are howling for his blood, he can always find time to cook up some delicious breakfast staples.

"Anything you find, you put it in there, squeeze it together, and you make it look like a waffle. Y'know what I'm talkin' 'bout?" Oh Snoop, I think we all know what you're talkin' 'bout.

Furthering the culinary theme, Snoop also promotes chicken feed as a necessary staple. He claims that in the world of RAGE, he has found the time to start a chicken ranch, all in the name of building a delicious, sustainable chicken and waffles empire.

Of course, it wouldn't be Snoop without overt references to the man's affection for his ... "crops." This being a family-friendly production, we can't just blatantly say that Snoop loves smoking weed, but for realsies, Snoop loves smoking weed.

As the video points out though, this is all in the name of surviving the horrors of id's wasteland. These "crops" are "for your mind," Snoop claims with his trademark style. His trademark "doggystyle," if you will.

If you thought Episode 1 was a bit lacking in the "high-caliber weaponry" department, have a look at Episode 2:

In place of chicken and chronic smoke, this latest clip focuses on the best ways to protect yourself from the wretches of RAGE. As you might guess, the best ways to protect yourself all involve the numbers 1, 8 and 7.

Unlike the first episode, this clip is closer to what one might expect from a RAGE promotional clip, and is thus less entertaining for the part of me that adored the first, baffling episode. That said, I love Snoop's description of the assault rifle:

Right here is the assault rifle. It can make a bitch real deluctable.

What does "deluctable" mean? How does the assault rifle accomplish this? Are we using "bitch" as a pejorative for female characters, or as a general purpose catch-all for anyone carrying an assault rifle who also happens to take on certain "deluctable" characteristics?

Y'know what? I don't care anymore. Even with the generally blasé critical response RAGE has received, I suddenly want to play this game just so I can describe myself as "deluctable" every time I nab that Kalashnikov analogue.

Bethesda, great job. This is my favorite promotional clip in years.

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This game does not deserve a Snoop Dog Waffle-centric survival guide.
But at least it made an amusing coaster for my drink.

Dog with a Gun taped to it's head...BEST IDEA EVER!

I love how I tried to bleep mother fucker when he's talking about the wingstick and it just didn't work.

Waffles are tasty and all, but this is probably the best advice he'll ever give:

I love Snoop Dogg in random advertisements. This one is no different.

What is with black people n' chicken, I love chicken and I have the tan of a WOW subscriber!

http://i.imgur.com/URVws.jpg
Snoop DAWG WANNA SHOOT A RAWKET LAWNCHER

Any clue on when some RAGE DLC is going to come out? I've already beaten it a few times, and the online racing is just stupid. Need a deathmatch mode or more missions.

keideki:
Any clue on when some RAGE DLC is going to come out? I've already beaten it a few times, and the online racing is just stupid. Need a deathmatch mode or more missions.

I think you may be screwed there. It appears you've invested in a game which is generally referred to as a complete failure...

Tin Man:

keideki:
Any clue on when some RAGE DLC is going to come out? I've already beaten it a few times, and the online racing is just stupid. Need a deathmatch mode or more missions.

I think you may be screwed there. It appears you've invested in a game which is generally referred to as a complete failure...

I don't get why Rage is being panned like this. The driver screw up was certainly a fail, I haven't had problems, but if all you need to do is update your drivers, do it for christ sake.

Apart from this I love the game. I've read one reviewer calling it "too short", finishing it in under 10 hours, another reviewer calling it "too repetitive". What are these people smoking? They must have raged through the game completely ignoring the minigames, the races and any exploration for the game to be perceived like this. I'm 19 hours into the game and it looks as if I'm just starting to approach the finish-line.

I can't help but think that there is some enormous bias here. Call of Duty gets praised and sells like crazy, game, after game, for doing the same thing over and over again. Id made something new and interesting by blending FPS with RPG and racing elements, and everyone is hating it. The gameplay itself is rock-solid and the enemy behaviour and AI is the best I have ever seen in a shooter. Also, despite excellent graphics, it runs smooth as silk on my system. I tried my hand at the multiplayer racing and found it loads of fun as well.

This is not the first time this happens. Nobody seemed to like Doom 3 back in the day. I thought it was (still is) one of the most awesome shooters ever.

Maybe expectations run so high whenever Id publishes a new game, that people will hate the result no matter what. Either that or there is some huge dissonance between how I and the general public perceive games.

Tin Man:

keideki:
Any clue on when some RAGE DLC is going to come out? I've already beaten it a few times, and the online racing is just stupid. Need a deathmatch mode or more missions.

I think you may be screwed there. It appears you've invested in a game which is generally referred to as a complete failure...

Pshaw, The game has its faults. Yes, the campaign is a little short at just over 12 hours, yes the multi-player features are kind of lacking, but the game was FUN. I enjoyed all the weapons and vehicles. The game as polish, even if the driver issue made it hard to play right off the bat. Driver issues happen all the time. The setting was interesting, the characters fun and the voice work was pretty damn good to be honest. I've yet to read a review that called it a complete failure either. What the game really needs is more content, that is really all.

 

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