Study: Don't Use Wi-Fi Near Your Junk

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Study: Don't Use Wi-Fi Near Your Junk

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Semen samples placed next to a laptop results in baked, lazy sperm.

Mainstream news outlets always seem to cry wolf at various technologies posing health problems. Remember how cell phones were supposed to give you brain cancer and infect your soul with spirit of Mephistopheles? So it is with great skepticism that I present to you a study from Argentina that proves sperm cells - one half of the necessary ingredients to make tiny baby humans - were never meant to browse the internet.

The study conducted by Conrado Avendano from the Nascentis Medicina Reproductiva in Cordoba, Argentina, took - received? - semen samples from 29 able-bodied men. The researchers then placed the pilfered nut butter under a laptop computer wirelessly connected the internet. After four hours of heavy downloading, 25 percent of the sperm cells had ceased to swim around with any vigor or even verve. A full 9 percent showed significant DNA damage. Compared to the control group's 14 and 3 percent respectively, those findings were pretty substantial.

"Our data suggest that the use of a laptop computer wirelessly connected to the internet and positioned near the male reproductive organs may decrease human sperm quality," reds the abstract for the study. "At present we do not know whether this effect is induced by all laptop computers connected by Wi-Fi to the internet or what use conditions heighten this effect."

Interestingly, sperm next to a laptop that was not downloading massive amounts of porn via a wi-fi connection were not much off from the control group. The researchers believe the cause of the cell damage is electromagnetic radiation from the wireless broadcast of billions of bits of data that will somehow form the backside of Ernest Borgnine on my screen. I mean ...

Again, take all of this with a grain or ten of salt. Critics say this study is imperfect because the sperm was tested outside of the human body, where it is useless anyway. The test was enough of an indication that a correlation between infertility and heavy laptop use might exist.

The next step then is to experiment with laptops strapped to real live dudes. Oooh, sign me up!

Source: Reuters

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My router is a foot behind me.

Fuck.

Does this mean sitting on my throne of old laptops is bad? D:

Perhaps we should all don copper chainmail underpants

This is hardly a significant problem.

After all.. it's not like geeks are breeding a lot in the first place.

*Looks at laptop in his lap*
Oh shit!

I'm sitting in bed with my laptop on my, well, lap right now...soooo... It's a good thing I'm not planning on having kids just yet(I'm single, anyways), but it'll be good to keep this in mind if I don't want any retarded offspring running around. Though that might just be unavoidable. Lol.

Oh great my mate is so getting the last laugh and "ha I told you so!" when he read this news (he never use nor carry a mobile phone for this type of reasons).

Kwil:
This is hardly a significant problem.

After all.. it's not like geeks are breeding a lot in the first place.

Says the lv.41 Virgin =P

OT: Now imagine the future 100 years from now...
They're going to say "Traveling through a portal device may give your sperm and potential child invisibility"

Cant wait =P

Well I guess I'm probably sterile by now. Dammit.

I'm really glad I
1. Use a wired connection.
2. Keep my laptop on a wooden desk about a foot above and away from my crotch
3. Realized this study was going to come out years ago

Greg Tito:

The next step then is to experiment with laptops strapped to real live dudes.

So we can expect to see that cumming soon?

I'm so sorry

They used to say the same about mobile phone signals and brain damage, heart problems, sperm count......GENERAL PUBLIC! BE SCARED!! DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOMES AND BUY BONDS!

CosmicCommander:
My router is a foot behind me.

Fuck.

I wouldn't bother, mate.

Kwil:
This is hardly a significant problem.

After all.. it's not like geeks are breeding a lot in the first place.

As you may have noticed, wireless connections are a bit more common than just geeks these days.

Greg Tito:

"Our data suggest that the use of a laptop computer wirelessly connected to the internet and positioned near the male reproductive organs may decrease human sperm quality," reds the abstract for the study.

reds?

I find that kinda scary... especially since my WiFi router is bolted under my desk at crotch level.

DVS BSTrD:
*Looks at laptop in his lap*
Oh shit!

I pulled pretty much the same thing.

OT: This is rather interesting. Perahps WiFi can be a new means of birth control... (Yes, I'm kidding)

Grey Carter:

CosmicCommander:
My router is a foot behind me.

Fuck.

I wouldn't bother, mate.

BHAHAHAHAHA.

OT: If it was tested outside the body, then I wouldn't think there would be much cause for concern... I'd need more testing before I'd believe that nonsense.

Why are sperm cells special? Significant DNA damage is going to cause apoptosis in any cell. I'm not likely to believe it just by what they're saying, if 9% of my cells died near a wireless system every 4 hours, there wouldn't be much of me left...

I don't know how to respond, why would someone even think about trying this? Also, just as the article mentioned, the decrease in quality might be because of sperm being outside the body, not being under Wi-Fi.

CosmicCommander:
My router is a foot behind me.

Fuck.

I don't know who the dude on your avatar is, but his face is totally appropriate standing next to your post :P

Kwil:
This is hardly a significant problem.

After all.. it's not like geeks are breeding a lot in the first place.

Yeah... and it's not like non-geeks ever visit coffee shops. Or work.

OT: I'm amazed by how narrow these studies are. Have they placed comparative sperm next to other things? Like a laptop without a wi-fi? Or just left them alone in the same conditions? Last I checked, putting your sperm in a random area is not a way to keep it fresh, you need to take steps to actively preserve it, have those steps been taken and a laptop was just sitting in that environment too?

Considering I imagine it has to be kept refrigerated at a certain temperature and laptops aren't too cool (ba dum tish) with those temperatures, I'm leaning towards agreeing with Greg's skepticism.

shocking revelation.. a normal sperm sample can survive for up to 7days. and the growth rate is around 1200 per second, not much given that the usual ejaculation consist of 100 million sperms. And it takes roughly 2months for them to reach "maturity".

As long as wifi does not alter something geneticly in the testicles I'll keep having my iphone in my pocket when I'm outide/working/whatever..

Study finds laptop's kill sperm when used on the lap... I'm not impressed, especially since a hot bath will do the same thing.

I wouldn't be surprised if their 'samples' were places next the the computers exhaust vent or on top of the HDD placement and the heat ended up killing them.

I call BS.
This experiment seems very badly controlled

newwiseman:
Study finds laptop's kill sperm when used on the lap... I'm not impressed, especially since a hot bath will do the same thing.

I wouldn't be surprised if their 'samples' were places next the the computers exhaust vent or on top of the HDD placement and the heat ended up killing them.

Well I took a quick look at the paper and both the control and the experiment samples were kept at the same temperature during the experiment. They were looking for a non-thermal effect.

Oh come on it's not like you put your sperm to good use :P
Maybe it's time to put that tinfoil hat a little lower...

Eh, even in the highly unlikely event that this experiment actually holds any water, I'd hardly consider the possibilty that this might make me sterile to be a negative repurcussion, if anything I'd personally be grateful.

Is it bad that I'm holding my laptop in my lap right now?

This is not shocking really. It has been known that mostly any electronic device that admits radiation via different forms of waves like microwaves, inforared, even radio can have long term effects if you are constantly exposing yourself to them.

You just have to be moderate with how much time you spend on devices daily, how near your are to such devices, and etc. Best for phones to be as far away from your junk as possible, keep your phone a thumb lentgh from your ear or have a certain type of ear piece in-place for clearer hearing, sit X distance from computers and T.v. as much as possible, and don't use your lap for your laptops (yeah..).

Most people will not likely do so, but if you can, then more power to you. Even I don't follow such stemps most of the time, even though it is better for you... It's all about radiation increase. there is always radiation around us, but even slight increases and prolonged exposer can increase risk in many people, but it has to be exceptionally high amounts of prolonged use.

Heehee, "nut butter".

I don't even have anything meaningful to say on this topic.

Nut butter
Nut butter
Nut butter

I love how everyone is saying that every man would be sterile if this is true. I mean since they didn't test the sperm while still inside the human body, there's no proof that the damage is long term, you may just have to..."get rid of"...the bad sperm and let new sperm form...though I realize how difficult this would be and you would never know if you had viable sperm or not.

But other than that I think this is kind of a fucked up study. I mean this could have just as easily been caused by the heat the laptop gives off. And if this were true we'd already be seeing the effects as most guys have something connected to wifi near there junk most of the time and yet healthy, happy babies are born everyday.

wooty:
They used to say the same about mobile phone signals and brain damage, heart problems, sperm count......GENERAL PUBLIC! BE SCARED!! DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOMES AND BUY BONDS!

It is overblowned and is unlikely to happen for the majority of people, but there is some truth to it. But it is as much as eating and drinking X will cause so, but will likely only happen to a few that are by then in their old age... It has to do with consistent prolonged use, this increases risk for mostly any type of thing, food, electronics, drugs, and etc. Only people that should worry are the people that do any type of the above every day for years and those with weaker immune systems or genetic defects.

Well duh.
Every kind of radiation has some impact.
Add the heat of that and you get beaked eggs.

It's not as dangerous as the media tries to picture it, but it still has some impact.
That is, you won't get sterile in just a moment, but to much will have some effect.

Captcha: perform mmenVdis ^.^

Meh, I didn't want children anyway.

hmmm... I now feel the need to surround my bed with wireless devices. I always wanted a surgery-free vasectomy.

That said, I don't trust this to work, so I'm still using condoms.

Well, it's not like I ever want to have an annoying brat anyway.

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