Two Million People Killed by Dildo in Saints Row 3

Two Million People Killed by Dildo in Saints Row 3

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THQ releases a few tasty stats for its open-world crime simulator.

I've taken a bit of a break from rampaging in the Steelport, but in my time with Saints Row 3, I certainly committed a fair share of atrocities. I killed a few cops with molotov cocktails and blown up my fair share of tanks and whores - sometimes at the same time. All those terrible stats have been collated by the number machines at THQ and displayed for our enjoyment. If you signup for an account, you can now check your personal cop-killing stats on their website, but for now you can revel in the murdering of your peers.

Here's just a snippet of the data THQ collected:

  • More than 2 million people have been bludgeoned to death by the Penetrator so far.
  • 5.8 billion citizens of Steelport have met their demise while roaming around town. That's 19 times the population of the US, or 85% of the population of the world.
  • Players have spent a cumulative 2 years in their birthday suits streaking the streets of Steelport and making old ladies scream.
  • In Whored Mode, 44 million pimps, gimps, and prostitutes have been dispatched.
  • 650 hot dog mascots have been overcooked to death by players using flamethrowers.

There's no word whether these stats made a distinction between the fleshy, veiny purple dildo and the Japanese smooth flesh-saber. All's fair in love and war.

Honestly people, that last statistic seems a bit low. Come on people, break out the flamethrowers and start cooking some dudes in hot dog costumes. I'm disappointed in you.

Source: Saints Row website

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I didn't really look into this game that much. These statistics make me want to rectify that immediately.

I think I "killed" more people with the Fart In A Jar.

I'm ashamed that I didn't use it nearly as often as I should have. Stupid regenerating health forcing me to hide all the time.

Greg Tito:

  • More than 2 million people have been bludgeoned to death by the Penetrator so far.
  • 5.8 billion citizens of Steelport have met their demise while roaming around town. That's 19 times the population of the US, or 85% of the population of the world.
  • Players have spent a cumulative 2 years in their birthday suits streaking the streets of Steelport and making old ladies scream.
  • In Whored Mode, 44 million pimps, gimps, and prostitutes have been dispatched.
  • 650 hot dog mascots have been overcooked to death by players using flamethrowers.

not going to lie, that some funny shit right there XD

Honestly people, that last statistic seems a bit low. Come on people, break out the flamethrowers and start cooking some dudes in hot dog costumes. I'm disappointed in you.

:( i has no monies to get SR3, other wise the over all death rate would be much higher

as funny as it must be to kill people with a giant rubber...yeah, the flaming the hotdog mascots bit made me laugh :p

definitely wanna help add some numbers to that (but I kinda feel obligated to at least finish saints row 2 first...)

I love the shit outta this game, but beating people to death with a huge dildo isn't an element I have decided to take advantage of. People sure do love that thing apparently.

You know your jaded when you see that headline and your immediate thought is:

"Oh god, what bullshit is the Daily Mail pushing now?"

Oh God, I await with baited breath the moment Fox News realise there is an online stat tracker for Cops killed in a videogame.

Any idaes for the headline?

Well i'm glad I've contributed to the last stat. Flamethrowers ftw XD

But i've only really roasted one. The chances of you having an incinerator and there being a hotdog around to use it on are so damn slim

...I love how much flak Skyrim gets then for its child-vulnerability mod when at the same time we have this magnificent game ha ha :P

...I was busy looking actually 5 minutes ago at a video for the Shark Gun DLC...man I love Saints Row

Hilarious stats. I'll be picking this up during the Steam holiday sale, since it's bound to be at least a little discounted then.

*raises hand*
I used that sword all the time.
(bwhahaha)

I didn't buy or use any other melee for the longest time. Then I got the giant fists, but I quickly went back. And the cutscene, where Pierce finds one at Kinzie's was just hilarious. It just fit so well with the happily psychotic leader of the Saints that I was playing as. I wonder how many people were killed with exploding octopuses by someone wearing a Genki Suit...

Danny91:
...I love how much flak Skyrim gets then for its child-vulnerability mod when at the same time we have this magnificent game ha ha :P

...I was busy looking actually 5 minutes ago at a video for the Shark Gun DLC...man I love Saints Row

Oooh, the Shark gun! That's just fun. I just wish it worked on vehicles. Huh...new thought--can I spray the fish guts on a sniper in the helicopter, and get the shark to jump that high?

fix-the-spade:
Oh God, I await with baited breath the moment Fox News realise there is an online stat tracker for Cops killed in a videogame.

Any idaes for the headline?

They'd be more horrified that people are being killed in-game by a giant purple penis!

Potential headline: VIDEOGAME PROMOTES BEATING PEOPLE TO DEATH WITH PENISES!
Also: Stat tracking for killed police officer

Or: VIDEOGAME ENCOURAGES PEOPLE PACIFICATION WITH PENISES

binnsyboy:
I didn't really look into this game that much. These statistics make me want to rectify that immediately.

100% agreed.
Once winter vacation comes around, I may have to get this. After finishing Skyward Sword.

Madmanonfire:

binnsyboy:
I didn't really look into this game that much. These statistics make me want to rectify that immediately.

100% agreed.
Once winter vacation comes around, I may have to get this. After finishing Skyward Sword.

Unfortunately that's about all they left to do in the game.

Trust me, I'm almost done with it; it looks like they hacked off half the content for DLC. It's very transparent. They even reference cut missions in the cutscenes.

It's definitely worth a rental though.
Saints Row 2 on the other hand is a must buy.

Sing along everybody!

~/o Everyboooody have fun tonight
Everybooody Wang Club in a fight! o/~

GonzoGamer:

Trust me, I'm almost done with it; it looks like they hacked off half the content for DLC. It's very transparent. They even reference cut missions in the cutscenes.

It's definitely worth a rental though.
Saints Row 2 on the other hand is a must buy.

I agree with everything you have said,
shame I bought it!

Vie:
You know your jaded when you see that headline and your immediate thought is:

"Oh god, what bullshit is the Daily Mail pushing now?"

I'm not going to lie, I laughed for about two minutes at how true that is.

And I am enjoying Saints 3 but I despise THQ for the shit they pulled for DLC.

putowtin:

GonzoGamer:

Trust me, I'm almost done with it; it looks like they hacked off half the content for DLC. It's very transparent. They even reference cut missions in the cutscenes.

It's definitely worth a rental though.
Saints Row 2 on the other hand is a must buy.

I agree with everything you have said,
shame I bought it!

I haven't regretted any other purchase this year more than SR3...and that includes stocks.
I think all of us assumed that it would be bigger and better than Saints Row 2 and it was only a little more absurd. It would've been crazy to think that they would have done otherwise, but they did.
It's like a major platform developer releasing a major firmware update that does absolutely nothing for current users....Doh!

GonzoGamer:

putowtin:

GonzoGamer:

Trust me, I'm almost done with it; it looks like they hacked off half the content for DLC. It's very transparent. They even reference cut missions in the cutscenes.

It's definitely worth a rental though.
Saints Row 2 on the other hand is a must buy.

I agree with everything you have said,
shame I bought it!

I haven't regretted any other purchase this year more than SR3...and that includes stocks.
I think all of us assumed that it would be bigger and better than Saints Row 2 and it was only a little more absurd. It would've been crazy to think that they would have done otherwise, but they did.
It's like a major platform developer releasing a major firmware update that does absolutely nothing for current users....Doh!

I don't regret my purchase, but I am disappointed, that may be because I spent too much time wanting it to be great. I can't help the feeling that they reached the top with Saints Row 2 and this is just slightly better than the original...

650 hot dog mascots have been overcooked to death by players using flamethrowers.

hahah thats the funniest

Greg Tito:
I've taken a bit of a break from rampaging in the Steelport, but in my time with Saints Row 3, I certainly committed a fair share of atrocities.

Aw, come on, Greg. Your gangsta impersonation was pretty bad, but an atrocity? (SUPER ZING)

OT: It asks me to register, but I can't be arsed to. What gives? I was just now able to see the live atrocity map, but I can't see how many people home cooked a hot dog man?

Flamethrower the hotdog guys?! Why didn't I think of that... Time to go increase that statistic!

saint's row constantly improving the medias stereotype for gamers.

Ghostbody:

Vie:
You know your jaded when you see that headline and your immediate thought is:

"Oh god, what bullshit is the Daily Mail pushing now?"

I'm not going to lie, I laughed for about two minutes at how true that is.

And I am enjoying Saints 3 but I despise THQ for the shit they pulled for DLC.

That and the Online Pass the added *after* taking out online multiplayer.

this game is just one big middle finger to fox news... im glad i could add to those numbers

I'm kind of disturbed...It's cool to know this info but I don't really like the fact that THQ is able to get this info...I'll stop being a wet blanket now and wonder out-loud again why Japan didn't turn The Penatrator into something like...The Kalamari or something. Keep the thing wiggly but take away the scrotum and, veins and turn the rounded tip into a tentacle-point.

I think this says a lot more about the psychological nature of humanity than a long ass study ever could.

 

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