The Hoff Is In Pain

The Hoff Is In Pain

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There's no good, or rational, or even coherent way to put this, so I'm just going to lay it out for you: David Hasselhoff is coming to Pain.

The Hoff made the announcement himself on the PlayStation Blog, confirming that he will be featured in the game's new Movie Studio level and will also be available as a downloadable character on November 6, a day Sony says will be known evermore as "Hoff Day." But that's not all! The cherry on the beefcake is Hasselhoff's cover of the Culture Club hit "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" which he recorded to mark his arrival in the quirky PSN game.

"Hello everyone, it's your friendly neighborhood David Hasselhoff here. I know you're probably wondering 'What in the KITT am I doing on the PS Blog?' right? Well... settle down... settle down! I'm here to let you know straight from the Hoff's mouth - I'm coming to Pain! And it hurts so good!" the Knight Rider and Baywatch superstar wrote in the official announcement.

"What am I doing in Pain you ask? It's the Movie Studio! What's a movie studio without The Hoff? You can now put The Hoff into a launcher and fling me into harm's way - exploding crates, cars, people - everything is fair game. And best of all, you'll never even put a scratch on this mug of mine!" he continued. "When I was first approached about Pain, I really didn't know what to think. I mean, it's great to think that someone would want to put me in a game, but THIS game is all about flinging people into walls, smashing them into cars, and spanking monkeys. While I wholeheartedly approve of the monkey spanking, I wasn't too sure about the rest of the game. When I finally got my hands on Pain though, everything changed, and I 'got it.' If anybody can understand silly fun, it's me."

In Pain, a downloadable title available from the PlayStation Store, gamers use a catapult to fling their avatars around various locales, attempting to earn points by doing as much damage to themselves and their surroundings as possible. The Havok-powered game includes a range of characters and game modes and features both single and multiplayer action.

"I am a man of many emotions so when you throw me around the Movie Studio, I need to express myself. What better way than in song! So to commemorate my invasion onto the PS3, I made a cover song of Culture Club's "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" exclusively for Pain," Hasselhoff said, describing the track as "like nothing I've done before."

"So, after a lot of hard work by a bunch of talented people, Hoff Day is coming on Nov. 6! I've got the keys to the Movie Studio... who wants in? After all, do you REALLY want to hurt me?" he continued. "Wait... don't answer that. Just go download The Hoff and play PAIN!"

A video of Hasselhoff's explosive introduction to Pain, including a preview of his Culture Club cover - which I have to admit is like nothing I've ever heard before - can be seen at People Magazine.

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I have no reaction aside from stunned disbelief, this is just so damned STRANGE that I have no sensible response to this news

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That said the man sure takes the idea of people flinging him into walls and such well.

Uh, PS3 wins? I have no idea what to think about this.

It's just so.... bizarre.

....well how about that.

Yes! You can't see me right now, but I'm giggling. It was always my dearest wish to have Hasselhoff as a playable character in any game.

Oh dear god...I just orgasmed! Not only is the hoff-man in a video game but you can also bring harm to him. I feel a heart attack coming on.

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Dammit, id, you know that our superego will NOT let us buy a PS3 just to spend hours and hours slamming The Hoff into brick walls and sharp objects, so just let it rest would ya?

-- Steve

edited to add: Good on Hasselhoff for being so good natured about it, though.

Oh great. Now everyone is going to feel slightly dirty about playing the game.

Okay, you get to hurt David Hasselhoff, but you're in a game with David Hasselhoff.

HalfShadow:
Oh great. Now everyone is going to feel slightly dirty about playing the game.

Okay, you get to hurt David Hasselhoff, but you're in a game with David Hasselhoff.

And, apparently, listen to him cover Culture Club, f-gawdsake. ("Do You Really Want To Hurt Me"... I hated the song when it first came out, but it does have a certain irony in this case, doesn't it?)

-- Steve

He's really hit rock bottom hasn't he? Also, did anyone else think that Hoff was completely scripted or that he never actually said that? "I am a man of many emotions." said the Hoff.

The Hoff, in a video game! Now we just need "Jump in my Car" on that game and it will be perfect. I love the Hoff, the man is a legend!

Haha! The picture itself almost makes me want to get the game and The Hoff.

When I saw the title of this thread, I thought it said: The Hoff is in Palin
That gave me an odd mental picture

that's so awesome, pain is a darn fun game, i'm going to be doing the nutcracker on the hoff over and over

now they only need a shia lebeouf model and i'll have the best way to vent frustrations after a long day

it's great he's taking as a big joke and not getting offended by it too

Huh.

*Starts handing out Chlorine*

Clean out your neighbourhood gene pool today!

cleverlymadeup:
that's so awesome, pain is a darn fun game, i'm going to be doing the nutcracker on the hoff over and over

now they only need a shia lebeouf model and i'll have the best way to vent frustrations after a long day

it's great he's taking as a big joke and not getting offended by it too

most definitely seconded, and it is pretty cool that he didn't get into a huff(or hoff?) about being in this particular game.

Does anybody have any idea of what the economic impact of all of Germany calling in sick on Hoff day will be?

The more i think about this the cooler i think it is. He just kinda was like hey play me in this game...and IDK why but it makes me want to.

David Hasslehoff is one of those guys who just busts out of nowhere with random badassery and coolness and then slinks back into the shadows. Always good to see guys like him who don't take themselves all seriously.

David Hasslehoff in my Videogames?

This is great though. Glad that he wants people to have fun throwing him around. Not many celebrities are that cool.

For the ultimate irony, let's see this game get banned in Germany now.

Spartan Bannana:
When I saw the title of this thread, I thought it said: The Hoff is in Palin
That gave me an odd mental picture

>_>

<_<

Same here :(

 

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