Give Uwe Boll Your Money

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Give Uwe Boll Your Money

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Got a Hollywood itch you need to scratch? Want to be a part of the blockbuster film industry? Got fifty bucks lying around? Send it to Uwe Boll and be a "co-producer" on his latest project, Blackout.

Things are tough all over, even for everyone's favorite videogame movie director. What's a man to do when his CV is an unending litany of cinematic debacles and the tax law loopholes that provided a steady stream of investments are suddenly closed off? Appeal to the public!

And so it is that Boll has cast his net out upon the waters of the internet, looking to raise $18.5 million dollars for Blackout, a "terrorist disaster" film starring that huge guy from Gladiator. Here's how it works: You donate 50 dollars to the film's budget via PayPal and in return you get to be a "co-producer" on the project. Not that you can expect to see your name in the credits; at 50 bucks a pop Uwe is going to need 370,000 people to ante up to get things rolling. But your money will buy you more than just a sense of satisfaction and a cheap-seats ticket into the movie industry. You'll also get:

- A limited special edition Blackout DVD autographed by the leading actors (including that huge guy from Gladiator) and by Uwe Boll himself. This limited edition release will only be available to people who invested in the film.

- Entry into a draw for one of 50 all-expenses-paid trips to the filming location in Canada, which will also include an opportunity to be cast in a support role in the film.

- Other raffles for cash and prizes including a grand prize of $500,000 and, at the end of 2010, a separate draw to give away 20 percent of the movie's profits.

- Perhaps most important, however, is that by giving Uwe some bucks to make this movie, you're taking steps to ensure he's not making another videogame movie. (That's not something you actually "get," I suppose, but I thought it was worth mentioning.)

Let me say right now that Uwe Boll is an absolutely madman, and I love him for it. He is, I believe, possessed of a unique and incomprehensible vision and an obsessive drive to achieve that vision no matter how spectacularly random it may be. A lot of people claim they don't care what others think about them; Uwe has carved that philosophy into stone and lives by it unwaveringly, and I envy him for it.

I'm also not giving him a dime. Sorry Uwe, you're awesome but you're not touching my money.

via: Blue's

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"I'm also not giving him a dime. Sorry Uwe, you're awesome but you're not touching my money."

I'd give him fifty quid if he'd swear never to make another movie.

...HAHAHAHAHA.
This is like funding child molestation. Except instead of children, it's my eyes and ears and brain.
Excuse me while I go laugh some more.

Bwuaahahaha. Hahaha... hah.
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He doesn't need money from us. He can afford his films (sorry, turdfests) with all that Nazi gold he admitted to having in Postal ("There are rumours my films are financed with Nazi gold, and what can I say? They're all true!").

This might be because I temporarily lost my sanity, but when I first read this I almost wanted to give him $50.

It's not another videogame movie, so I'm cool with it, but no money for you Uwe!

I think I will waste my money on this just for the "lolz".

I don't know, it would be nice. Maybe if you go down to the shoot you could actually make sure the film would be decent. But Uwe doesn't always make bad movies, Tunnel rats was very well received by not only critics but other people who actually watched the film. I saw the trailer and I must admit, I'm interested. Uwe has a great mind, his execution is just poor (especially towards video game movies). But I did like POSTAL, I may actually think about this.

Yeah.... Id sooner give my money to a man who would use the money to buy a knife and gut me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Inhale*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...No.

But I wonder if anyone is actually dumb enough to do this... Maybe a 7 year old...

If I had a lot of money, and it was convinced at least 350,000 other people would donate, I would too.

No, Mr. Boll. No, I will not donate 50 bucks just to have my name in his lousy movies.

If anything, his screenplay writers (entire staff)need to get a critical paddling just to know about video games before putting them to the public and expect alot of money on their lap.

I'd give him $100 to STOP making movies.

150 bucks and Uwe Boll moves to Alaska, changes his name and never speaks to another human being about anything movie-related ever again.

Ah heck, he can have 300 bucks for that, coming to think of it.

What Uwe is asking for is investors. Plain and simple. He wants us to invest in his latest horrible film without offering a return on our investment. As if I needed another reason to hate the man, this scam of his is an insult to my intelligence. Fuck you, Uwe.

Wait. What?

You pay ME $50 for silence. Or I will shout about your movies to everyone I know and people will never, ever see them again.

And sooner or later, you won't get any money from sponsors...

Wait, how is he getting money, anyway?!

I'm honestly considering getting people to say "If this will be your last movie, we will donate 100$ a peice, making it so you get double the money you need."

It'd be worth it, IMO.

I wouldn't give Uwe Boll the sweat off of my nuts.

SecretTacoNinja:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

*Inhale*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...No.

But I wonder if anyone is actually dumb enough to do this... Maybe a 7 year old...

That is insulting to seven year olds, madam.

axia777:
I wouldn't give Uwe Boll the sweat off of my nuts.

Crude but fair.

Bertruam:
Yeah.... Id sooner give my money to a man who would use the money to buy a knife and gut me.

Seriously, it would probably hurt less than watching his movies.

Abedeus:
Wait. What?

You pay ME $50 for silence. Or I will shout about your movies to everyone I know and people will never, ever see them again.

And sooner or later, you won't get any money from sponsors...

Wait, how is he getting money, anyway?!

It was an obscure German tax law or something.

Maybe this will bring the end of his movies? We can only hope. And that's hilarious, like literally I have a warm fuzzy feeling as I get to imagine his eager face falling as only 3 people send him money, 1 of those being his mother. This is what happens when you piss off the audience, then ask them for more money so you can piss them off again.

Mwahahahaha.

"everyone's favorite videogame movie director" ?

No, fuck you. Seriously. And I'm not even aiming at offending anyone by this...

Existence of Uwe Boll is proof of absence of any god whatsoever, in my eyes.

Can you imagine how long the credits will be if 350,000 people have their names added for funding it?

Uwe's so fucktarded he'd probably list the names in the intro credits too, and make the film 3 hours longer in doing so.

Khell_Sennet:
Can you imagine how long the credits will be if 350,000 people have their names added for funding it?

Uwe's so fucktarded he'd probably list the names in the intro credits too, and make the film 3 hours longer in doing so.

The credits would be more enjoyable than the movie, I wager.

Gormourn:
"everyone's favorite videogame movie director" ?

No, fuck you. Seriously. And I'm not even aiming at offending anyone by this...

Existence of Uwe Boll is proof of absence of any god whatsoever, in my eyes.

Seconded so hard. If any god is out there, all you have to do to make me a follower is kill Uwe Boll in an exceedingly horrific fashion.
(also I want a pony)

I would love for Michael Bay to be one of the people who apply.

I would rather send him a letter bomb.

I will give him 500 dollars.
Anything so he doesn't rape a good video game.

Get your own bloody ideas and stop ripping off reputable game names.

They have respect. You don't.

They have production value. Yours don't.

It should be the other way around he should be paying US to see his movies.

I wouldn't dare to be associated with his work if he paid me.

Hurray! more Uwe Boll adventures!

I'm kind of worried about this part though:

Uwe Boll:
- Other raffles for cash and prizes including a grand prize of $500,000 and, at the end of 2010, a separate draw to give away 20 percent of the movie's profits.

If the movie doesn't go with profit, does that mean some poor sod has to pay him more money?

Malygris:

- Other raffles for cash and prizes including a grand prize of $500,000 and, at the end of 2010, a separate draw to give away 20 percent of the movie's profits.

his movies make a profit?

I cant beliveve this guy...

I am going to spend some time trying to make a math formula that can explain how much he sucks.

It will be called The Endless Suck Theorom or "The Uwe Boll Equation"!

He's persistent that Mr. Boll, I'll give him that, but I'll sure as hell won't give him any of my hard earned cash.

You know I'm torn.

I want to end up in the film/televison industry, so padding out my CV with this (if I and hte other 12 people got 'lucky' and ended up on set in Canada) would be good, but on the other hand I would be giving Uwe Boll money to make people suffer.

It would be like funding terrorism, I couldn't possibly sleep at night. But still a once in a life time experience to find out how to NOT make movies is tempting, I'll give it some thought.

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