Hilarious dialogue in games

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"Who goes to war in a cowboy hat"
"Uh, cowboys"
"Cowboys havent been in a war in over 200 years"
"Dallas Cowboys go to war every Sunday, sometimes Monday"

Sweetwater and Haggard from Bad Company 2

Haha yeah that bit was funny as :P I would have to go with that one too.

Gordon Freeman-...

"I like goth chicks."

Deep stuff, deeeeeeeeep stuff.

Sacred 2 is pretty good for this. Earlier, I read a statue that said "MArathon runners with bad shoes duffer the agony of de feet".

When I killed a soldier, he screamed " I am teh sexeh!"
Almost every gravestone I've read in the game brought a smile to my face. "If I'm dead and you're reading this, then my theory of the world being in my head was wrong"

So many more awesome moments....

defently the president was just kidnapped by ninja are you bad enough dudes to save him

Conkers bad fur day.

The entire thing.

1. Haggard and Redford from Battlefield Bad Company:
R: "Haggard! Is this your idea of fun??!?
H: "Well, yeah."

2. 99% of everything Wrex said from Mass Effect 1...
such as: "If I die in here, I'll kill him!"
Lady security guard in Lorik Qu'in's office on Noveria.
S.G.: "...you're joking; you wont kill us..."
Wrex: "you're right, they're gonna let me eat you."
and everything else pretty much.

Well, the dialogue between characters in DA:O is nice but http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Dog%27s_Dialogue takes the cake.

Everything in Portal. Seriously.

There was a lot of funny stuff when you spam clicked on the units in Warcraft 3.


GLaDOS: When I said "deadly neurotoxin," the "deadly" was in massive sarcasm quotes. I could take a bath in this stuff. Put in on cereal, rub it right into my eyes... honestly, it's not deadly at all... to *me*. You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness... a lot less funny.

I'd put that in "most alarmingly erotic dialogue in games" too.

Anything GLaDOS says:
-After the test is done, you will be missed.
-STOP!! What are you doing!! I I iiieeeeeeerrrrrwwe are pleased that you survived the part where I pretended to murder you.
-That part you destoyed isn't important to me. It made shoes for orphans; nice job destroying it, hero.

Anything said in TF2:
-What's that sandvich? Kill them all? GOOD IDEA! BWA HA HA HA HA!! -Heavy
-Nice headset, can I see it? "This is Scout. Rainbows make me cry. Over." -Spy
-If God had wanted you to live, he would have not created me! -Soldier
-Eins, zwei, dr-ugh... I don't think we brought enough body bags. -Medic

Some dialogue from HL2 (and episodes):
-Dear God! Poor Laszlo! The finest mind of his generation, come to such an end!
-I used to kill Hunters with my bare hands!
Plus sometimes when rebels are talking with each other they say stuff like:
Guy1: Sometimes, I dream about... cheese.
Guy2: Well what am I supposed to do about that?!

Valve really knows how to write some hilarious dialogue.

Remember Kingdom Hearts 2, during the tutorial fight thing with Seifer? You hit him and he retaliates by saying, "How rom-MANtic!" I always thought that was funny as hell ^^

other quotes:

"I'm not gonna let these God-Damn vampires get the best of me!"
"They're zombies Francis"
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Maximum Payne-in-the-butt."
"It's...The Squeemin'-Squits!"

...that's all I got >.>

Anything in any Naruto game ever. It does not translate well to English at all.

ANYTHING the guys in Killing Floor say


"I'm going to kill you right in your face!"

"If you start singing 'Daisy Bell' then I'm done!"
-Joker in ME2

loved that line

Alyx Vance: Gordon, let me do the talking!

"There's semen on everything!"
-Dr. Grossman splicer in Bioshock.

"I am the Milkman. My milk is delicious. It has all the good things the people want in it."
-The Milkman, Boyd's alternate personality in Psychonauts.

-Liberty Prime in Fallout 3.

"Where'd you get you license from, a cereal box?!"
-An angry motorist in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

Female Splicer in Bioshock: "If you tried to serve a steak like that in any sensible resturant in New York, they would laugh you out of town."

Any funny MGS codex call, especially near the end of 2 and in Brawl.
All Portal
Anytime Yuri impersonates Karol or plays with his mind.
Anything that happens on a katamari game.

"May I borrow your earpiece? This is scout. Rainbows make me cry, over" - Spy from TF2.
Anything in TF2 basicly.

"Sir Isaac Newtonis the deadliest SOB in space!"

Always a classic.

In In Phantasy star zero a charecter gets attacked with tentacles and says "AHHH! NO NOT THERE! THATS OFF-LIMITS! AHEHEHEH THAT TICKLES!" to which you can reply "I wish I had some popcorn."

"Well I, for one, plan on discovering the secrets of the multiverse by rubbing cottage cheese on my belly and eating vast quantities of fresh-water fish. Mmm... cheese." - The Nameless One, Planescape: Torment

There are several quotes from Mass Effect 1&2 that come to my mind, like

Shepard: You must have had some kind of interesting experience.
Wrex: Well, there was this one time the Turians tried to wipe out our entire race. That was fun.


EDI(the ship's AI): What Jeff and I are exhibiting is more a platonic symbiosis rather than hormonally induced courtship behaviour.
Jeff: Okay, yeah, that was a little creepy.

And of course there's always Sam&Max - Hit the road

[Sam hangs up the phone]
Max: Another confused census taker?
Sam: Actually, it was the Commissioner with another idiotic and baffling assignment.
Max: Does it involve wanton destruction?
Sam: We can only hope.

'Pucker up, dice-man. I'm as upholstered as I wanna be.'
'You've made that bountifully clear. Sure hope I'm not dice-man.'

'DAHHH! According to this themomecular, my skin should be melting off!'

'I can't wait to LiveJournal about the nightmares I'm going to have from this experience.'

'Ohhhh, so you're his best friennnnnd. It's all starting to make sennnnnse.'

'Congratulations, coach. I had to haul my brother's organs around in a jar for the whole game and you STILL out-creepied me.'
'It's all been worth it!'

-Try and guess which game

Gotta go with Battlefield Bad Company's jab at Modern Warfare 2.


Oh my god, yes.

"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an "unsatisfactory" mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!"

Resident Evil. The entire game. The voice acting is so badly done that it actually makes the game better, since it's hilarious.

Seconded. It gives it that B-movie charm.

In Fallout 3, The dialogue you have if you play dumb with the guy who wants to sleep with the Quantum addict is pretty funny. "Plow her bean field, if you know what I mean..."

When Morrigan tries to come on to Sten and he says something about her needing a helmet that's a good one.

One particular line from Disgaea 2 had me laughing.

Tink: "Not on my watch Monsieur Napoleon Bonerhard!!!"

"When was the last time the wind said hostiles to you?!"

"Well we're not here to sell cookies, so they know something 's up"

And anything from the age of empires taunts.

LOL loved that part of gears of war, i played that section easily 100 times, that line never got old

Haggard: "Aren't ya goin' ta help us, Flynn?"
Flynn: "What, me? No, I'm a pacifist"
Haggard: "Pacifist? How can you be God dammed a pacifist?"
Flynn: "Yeah, it's bad for my karma man. I don't mess with karma, I just fly"
Marlowe: "Hags...let it go!"
Haggard: "Fuck that! That don't fly with me space muffin. I'm going to knock you to the God damned magic kingdom"
Flynn: " Love you, man"
Haggard: "Ya silly God damned muffin headed fuckin' liberal!"

Haggard is seven shades of awesome

Haggard: "We're just waiting on CSI: New Jersey here to tell us what we already know"

Metal Arms: Glitch in the System anyone?

"All your base are belong to us"
- Zero Wing

"What you say!!"

-Some stupid Npc in Dungeons and Dragons Online
woo, nerdy game dialog!

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