Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Syndrome Conundrum

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I have just read the entire thing in the last few hours. All i have to say is this is freaking awesome.

Every single time i play DF i always get discouraged one way or another. But no matter what i always come back to it. It looks like that this is going to be one of those times.

I always love reading about everyone's awesome DF adventures, pretty much the only ones i got is everything being stolen/killed by an absurd amount of Mandrills and failing to make muddy ground for a farm. But still this game is just awesome.

Please keep doing these as i will certainly be back often =D

OhJohnNo:

Furioso:
Wait... is a buckler food? What exactly is it?

I always thought it was a shield, i.e Swords and Bucklers.

Yea that's what I thought but he's having the cooks make them, so maybe they're something else in this game.

Furioso:

OhJohnNo:

Furioso:
Wait... is a buckler food? What exactly is it?

I always thought it was a shield, i.e Swords and Bucklers.

Yea that's what I thought but he's having the cooks make them, so maybe they're something else in this game.

They're shields. You get people doing stuff outside their specialty sometimes. His woodworkers were probably busy doing other stuff, and unless you've got someone who's really, really good at woodworking, it's easier to just get some random guy to do it.

Mesca:

Furioso:

OhJohnNo:

I always thought it was a shield, i.e Swords and Bucklers.

Yea that's what I thought but he's having the cooks make them, so maybe they're something else in this game.

They're shields. You get people doing stuff outside their specialty sometimes. His woodworkers were probably busy doing other stuff, and unless you've got someone who's really, really good at woodworking, it's easier to just get some random guy to do it.

Yes, I don't specialize most of my dwarves. Cooks are probably the least specialized, as they handle tons of minor professions (fish dissection, butchery, cooking, leather working, soap making, lye making, plant processing, etc.). Assigning dwarves to solely follow some of those tasks always felt silly to me. I don't need a legendary soap maker pumping out soap every two seconds. I don't have the materials needed to do that, and there's little benefit to doing so anyways. So why have a dwarf dedicated solely to soap making when he could be doing other things?

Chapter 38: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul

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2nd Galena, 1053, Late Summer

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Okay, the parties are starting to get out hand. They're not even celebrating something anymore. They're just partying for the sake of not working. Also I think one the soldiers seized some "special crop" from the elves when they took their cloth. If Momuz finds out about that someone's going to get court martialed.

3rd Galena, 1053, Late Summer

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Why? Why do I need to be reminded of this? Every time I walk through the deep roads I get to see this image. What the hell is Goden's problem?!? It gets worse to.

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I mean come on. I need a drink, this is depressing.

7th Galena, 1053, Late Summer

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Stonesense Version

I've had the kennels moved into the fort itself as they were blocking a significant chunk of the main entrance. I would have put them in the production center, but they take up more room than the average workshop so they required their own separate area. Besides, I plan on building the animal stockpile and breeding chambers nearby, so this works out in my favor.

One of the mechanics complained about the potential danger of handling large animals whilst walking across a narrow pathway over an ocean. I can see why this might be an issue, but oh well, too late to do anything about that now! Someone suggested that we add safety walls to prevent dwarves from falling out, but then we wouldn't be able to see the pretty ocean! I'm sure nothing will go wrong anyways.

14th Galena, 1053, Late Summer

The mechanics informed me that one of the cave krakens they caught was pregnant. I asked how they knew this, and they told me that it had apparently given birth to several little krakenlings in its cage.

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Aw, they're so cute, huggable, and oh so adorable. Those little beady eyes are so warm and inviting that you almost forget that they are capable of killing dwarves when they grow up.

I also hear they taste pretty good. Cave kraken veal is a delicacy.

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18th Galena, 1053, Late Summer

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It seems that the humans have sent another caravan. At least we can be glad that we haven't managed to anger them. They probably have some decent bronze equipment we could purchase, assuming they don't mind receiving several bins worth of stone crafts. Hopefully they will also have some decent medical equipment. Ingiz ate more tools while I wasn't looking so I've had to improvise when it comes to treating patients and...

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Well it's not exactly working out.

22nd Galena, 1053, Late Summer

Okay, this is odd. While the humans were crossing the bridge, they bumped into a kobold thief attempting to sneak into Reveredtour.

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The kobold, not wanting to end up skewered on a bronze spear, fled in the only direction he could find; down. Down into the moat where the kobold could only flail helplessly before slowly drowning.

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Or at least that's what SHOULD have happened. Instead, the thief just landed on the ground and knocked himself out. Somehow the moat has yet to fill up. I don't get it! There's a river pouring into it and somehow it has yet to be filled. Call me crazy, but I think the water might be drying up before it can even reach the far end of the moat! How is that possible!?! Do I have to divert the ocean into the moat to get it filled?!?

24th Galena, 1053, Late Summer

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Okay everybody needs to calm down! It's just a kobold! Even if it could reach you, it would just run away in fear! Jeez, if something important was happening I wouldn't be able to hear it over all this screaming!

1st Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

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Ah, autumn. Autumn is a lovely time of year. The temperature starts to lower, a cool breeze flows through the wastes, and everything becomes calm and quiet.

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Or at least it would be if the stupid little kobold would just go away! DROWN YOU BASTARD!!!

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WHY WON'T THIS DAMN MOAT FILL UP ALREADY!??!

3rd Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

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I finished meeting with the human merchants. Overall they seemed very pleased with the trading, apparently not minding the fact that we just dumped a bunch of stone crafts on them. In exchange we received various goods, ranging from plants to weapons. Oh, and a lot of leather. I am trying to ensure that we maintain a large stockpile of leather, so that we can avoid the worst potential crisis of them all; not being able to make bucklers. I shiver at the mere thought of that.

Wait, I just realized something. What good are nice bucklers when you don't have a good pair of gloves to wear while you hold one?

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4th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

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I...I'm not a very good doctor...

Dammit, maybe we do need some soap.

7th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

Gah, more screaming. Though apparently it isn't about the kobold. This screaming is coming from haven, so it couldn't be about the kobold living in the moat. Well, I'm sure it's not a problem.

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Wait, what am I saying? Last time screaming came from haven it was about a deep kraken. Oh god, where the hell is Momuz?

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I can't even build a moat properly. Wonderful.

Goddam. You're an evil modder to create such an abomination.

Kobolds have the [CANLEARN] tag, right? You might want to sent some ranged dwarves to take care of it before the bugger learns to swim.

Reminds me of the time I built walls around an elven settlement to create the first aquarium specializing in the species Arbore sodomy, only to have them escape drowning due to the low speeds of filling it up via pumps next to a nearby brook. Just use the ocean to fill the moat up quickly? Given the nature of this game the next question sounds like I joke, but I'm being totally serious here: What could possibly go wrong?

On a final note, squids have been officially sponsored. Soon the humble cephalopods will grace everyone's oceanside forts.

If you use the ocean, make sure to stick a fortification in front and behind (and possibly a floor over) your floodgate so nothing smashes it. I would use two floogates, but it's not like it could overfill.

...right?

Chal:

Kobolds have the [CANLEARN] tag, right? You might want to sent some ranged dwarves to take care of it before the bugger learns to swim.

Yes they do (they also have [LIKES_FIGHTING], which honestly surprises me). However, I doubt the bastard will become a legendary swimmer before he drowns. And even if he does somehow manage to survive, all I have to do is pit the cave krakens and giant toad into the moat and he will be torn to shreds. Also I didn't mention it in the update, but a warthog somehow managed to get into the moat as well.

As for filling the moat itself, I'm going to wait a bit and see if the river makes any progress. If it becomes clear that it somehow can not fill in the moat on its own, I'll just have to cut a new river through the ocean cliffside and into the moat. The amount of water coming from the ocean will fill the moat without question. I didn't want a giant gash running through the wastes in front of Reveredtour, but what can you do.

Let's Play Dwarf Fortress: Mutilating the Environment for Fun and Profit.

The moat is pretty wide. I'd guess it will eventually fill up on it's own, much like certain forts of mine.

You've had pretty bad luck to not get any skilled doctors. [brokenrecord]I'd generally advise bringing a decently skilled doctor on embark[/brokenrecord], but I'd have expected one to show up by now.

(name here):
The moat is pretty wide. I'd guess it will eventually fill up on it's own, much like certain forts of mine.

You've had pretty bad luck to not get any skilled doctors. [brokenrecord]I'd generally advise bringing a decently skilled doctor on embark[/brokenrecord], but I'd have expected one to show up by now.

I did get one slightly skilled doctor, but they had higher skills in more important things so I didn't make them into a doctor. Honestly I think the real cause of death at the moment is the lack of soap.

Chapter 39: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul

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7th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

Okay, apparently the workers down in haven are being terrorized by some freaky fish monster. At least it's not another deep kraken.

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I'm not panicking just yet. For one the fish thing is apparently a zombie, which means it moves at the pace of a snailman. I was looking for Momuz, but then I remembered that he and the Immortal Rags are enjoying a mandatory swimming session. I guess the Steamy Tours can handle this. It's just one fish zombie.

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While the military cleans that mess up, I'm going to have the diggers start carving a path to the ocean. This moat needs to fill up now.

9th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

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Okay, it's been 2 days. How have they not killed that dumb fish yet? This is starting to get on my nerves. If Alath wasn't swimming, that zombie would have been reduced to a pile of dust already. And what the heck is that noise?

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Really? This isn't exactly the best time to throw a party.

10th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

The Steamy Tours finally made their way down to haven to fight the zombie fish. Based on the detailed description one of the soldiers gave me, I'd say it was a crawling carp. Normally you don't see them hunting alone, though I guess turning into a zombie causes their behaviors to change. Anyways, despite all the weapons we've bought from the humans, there still isn't enough to arm everyone. So most of the soldiers in the Steamy Tours had no choice but to punch and kick the zombie carp until it vanished.

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Crisis averted. Now the only thing interrupting work is all the pointless parties. Though I have to admit, complaining about the dwarves partying makes me feel like a jerk. I suppose that's why I haven't broken up any of them yet.

15th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

My god, last night I had a horrifying dream. One so twisted that even writing about it now makes me cringe. It's one of the worst things imaginable.

WHAT IF WE LOST OUR BUCKLERS?!?!

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I must do everything I can to ensure that this never happens. I've placed a ban on the export of bucklers. From now on, selling bucklers is met with the punishment of a hammering from Goden. Now, one might think this is odd as I'm in charge of trading. This is merely to ensure that nobody even gets the idea of getting rid of the bucklers in some way. You can't be to careful!

20th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

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Ugh, why won't this kobold just die already? At least the diggers finished connecting the ocean to the moat, so now it should finish flooding. Though knowing my luck this won't work.

22nd Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

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Hooray, more migrants! Reveredtour is always ready to welcome more dwarves! Hopefully they won't mind the kobold running around in the moat. Speaking of which, I found out why the dwarves are so scared of him. I was walking over the bridge when he started pelting me with sharp rocks. Apparently he knows we can't reach him down there, and now he's just taunting us. One of those rocks almost hit me in the eye!

28th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

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I don't believe this! The moat still won't fill up! I have to think of a way to divert even more water into it. Ideally without cutting up even more of the wasteland surrounding Reveredtour. Hm, I suppose I could create another river to the ocean underground. I don't really have many options at this point.

2nd Sandstone, 1053, Mid-Autumn

I'd say my diversified livestock program has been a great success so far. Already Reveredtour has huge variety of meat in it, allowing Rovod and the other cooks to prepare some truly wonderful dishes!

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I doubt anyone back in the capital has experienced a clownfish roast before! And who knew you could make this many things with tallow alone?

6th Sandstone, 1053, Mid-Autumn

I'm proud to say that we have finished building the first breeding chamber of Reveredtour! These breeding chambers are important to our diversified livestock industry, as they allow for simple and effective management of our livestock.
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So far only the chamber for cave krakens has been constructed, but it will serve as a template for all others. It's rather simple really. A breeding pair of a given species is chained up in the corner of each chamber. This allows them to reproduce without wandering randomly across the fortress. Subsequently, any offspring cannot leave the chamber as the door is locked. The offspring can be put into the cage, were they will either grow up or wait for the arrival of a butcher.

At least this design works, unlike that stupid moat which STILL WON'T FILL UP!!

9th Sandstone, 1053, Mid-Autumn

Wow, what luck! We managed to catch and tame another giant toad. This alone is great, but it turns out it was male as well! This means we have a breeding pair of giant toads!

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Now we can have a moat filled with cave krakens and giant toads! Or at least we could, if it would FILL UP ALREADY!

15th Sandstone, 1053, Mid-Autumn

I just had a brilliant idea! We have a number of zombies caught in cages, with no use for them due to the aforementioned undead status. However, why not use them to kill that stupid kobold? Who cares if they get hurt falling into the moat, their zombies! It's genius!

16th Sandstone, 1053, Mid-Autumn

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Dammit, don't let it out of the cage yet! Wait until you're next to the moat! WHY CAN YOU NOT PREFORM SIMPLE TASKS?!!?!

21st Sandstone, 1053, Mid-Autumn

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I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS THIEF!!

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I want every fucking soldier down in that fucking moat chasing that fucking thief until he dies! I don't know, some digger or mason will create a path down there. Not like there's any danger, since the DAMN MOAT WON'T FILL UP!!

JUST KILL THAT BASTARD!!!

26th Sandstone, 1053, Mid-Autumn

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YES!!! TEAR OFF HIS LIMBS!! RIP HIM TO PIECES!!

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FINALLY!!!!

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Fuck that kobold. It interrupted and delayed more work than anything else so far. AND HE COULDN'T EVEN FUCKING HURT ANYONE!!! GAH!!!

I wonder if this kobold has studied with buzzards in "most effective way to piss players off."

Double A:
I wonder if this kobold has studied with buzzards in "most effective way to piss players off."

Ironically, if this kobold had the ability to fly it wouldn't have been nearly as annoying, as it would have just flown out of the moat rather than run around inside it for months.

Internet Kraken:

Double A:
I wonder if this kobold has studied with buzzards in "most effective way to piss players off."

Ironically, if this kobold had the ability to fly it wouldn't have been nearly as annoying, as it would have just flown out of the moat rather than run around inside it for months.

This is why I normally have a floor hatch thing that you can use to get out of my moats with. Or let out enemies if they're still alive.

I don't know if building destroyers can go down stairs onto a floor hatch and destroy it, but I'm not giving them the chance by making both the entrance and exit up. That way I don't die. Usually. Hopefully. Maybe.

Double A:

Internet Kraken:

Double A:
I wonder if this kobold has studied with buzzards in "most effective way to piss players off."

Ironically, if this kobold had the ability to fly it wouldn't have been nearly as annoying, as it would have just flown out of the moat rather than run around inside it for months.

This is why I normally have a floor hatch thing that you can use to get out of my moats with. Or let out enemies if they're still alive.

I don't know if building destroyers can go down stairs onto a floor hatch and destroy it, but I'm not giving them the chance by making both the entrance and exit up. That way I don't die. Usually. Hopefully. Maybe.

I didn't want anything getting in our out of the moat, save for being thrown in by haulers. That way the animals would stay in the moat rather than swim out. This wouldn't have been an issue if the DAMN MOAT WOULD FILL UP ALREADY!

FUCK!

TF2 is a great way to procrastinate when you should be writing.

I actually do have an update done, but it needs to be proofread. But since I'm lazy, I told myself I would do it tonight. But as it comes closer to New Year's Eve, I have less time to spend in one sitting before getting up to do something. So who knows when I'll actually get the update up. I'll do it before midnight though.

any reason for the moat to not fill up? aside from it hating us of course.

vallorn:
any reason for the moat to not fill up? aside from it hating us of course.

The water seems to evaporate after reaching a certain point. This would mean that the water is somehow drying up faster than the rate at which it flows in. This seems absurd to me, but it's the only explanation other than the game becoming sentient and intentionally fucking with me. Water flowing in from 2 different sources should be enough to fill it. Otherwise I'm going to cut up the land surrounding Reveredtour carving dozens of new rivers.

Chapter 40: From the journal of Stinthad Kekimtobul

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2nd Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

Um, looking at the past entries I went a little...you know what I'm just going to not think about it anymore. Think positive thing instead! Like finally getting this moat filled up.

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This underground tunnel leads straight to the ocean. Once that floodgate is linked up to the proper lever, the diggers can finish excavating the rest of the tunnel. The last two attempts to fill the moat might not have worked, but third times the charm!

3rd Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

One of the Steamy Tours soldiers came into the hospital today. I asked him what was wrong, and he showed me his torn open hand. Apparently that annoying kobold thief actually messed up his arm before being decapitated.

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Oh well, it's not something I can't fix! Probably. At least Erush will have someone to keep him company again.

4th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

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ACK!! VULTURES!! PROTECT THE FOOD STOCKPILE!!!

5th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

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Gah, what the heck? The vultures are flying into the hospital for some reason! I'm trying to work here, and they keep swooping in! Almost made me cut off the soldier's hand by mistake.

7th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

Well those pesky vultures continue to harass Reveredtour. Fortunately, the military is more than capable of handling them.

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So I've turned my attention to more important matters. Mainly, my own personal comfort. You see, I've done so much for Reveredtour yet I live at the same standards as the other dwarves. I have to preform my duties as mayor in the dining room, which is difficult to say the least. I need a better place to work and live.

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I believe the masons can help me remedy this problem.

10th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

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Oh dear, it seems during the vulture confusion another crawling carp managed to sneak into the fort itself. Though again it appears to be alone, so it won't be much of a threat when the military arrives. The Immortal Rags need to defend the food stockpile from the vultures though, so I'll have the Steamy Tours take care of this.

11th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

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Can't follow order? CAN'T FOLLOW ORDER?!? WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!? THERE'S A CRAWLING CARP!! GO KILL IT!!! WHAT'S SO HARD ABOUT THAT?!?!

Oh god I hope it hasn't managed to hurt anyone.

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11th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

Are you kidding me? One of the dwarves is trying to throw a party. HE'S THROWING A PARTY WHILE VULTURES AND CARP ARE ATTACKING!

When I asked him about this, he claimed that he wasn't partying. Rather, his pet earth golem organized the party.

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Yeah, blame it on your golem. If you like to be lazy and party at ridiculous times, at least admit to it.

12th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

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The Steamy Tours finally figured out what a kill order is and got rid of that crawling carp. They managed to kill it before it murdered any dwarves, but it came dangerously close.

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I mean poor Shem here had his head torn open!

14th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

So in continuation of O.M.R.L.P, I've turned my attention to the main entrance. Given that it's the first thing a visitor will see upon approaching Reveredtour, it should look good. So I've had some walls built and statues placed on top of them.

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Stonsense Version

I think it looks great! Should impress the dwarven merchants, who will no doubt be arriving soon- wait what's that sound?

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What? No, stop it. We killed that carp. Wait, don't tell me another one came- that's, exactly what happened isn't it?

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Oh no, not again.

15th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

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Alright, everything is okay. The Steamy Tours actually realized what they were supposed to be doing this time and went to kill the carp right away, so it didn't manage to harm anyone. I bet there's another one of those things hiding in the caverns, waiting for a chance to pounce an unsuspecting dwarf. I'm not going to let that happen! I'm sending the Steamy Tours down to flush any remaining crawling carp out of hiding.

Other than that, things are just fine though. The last of the vultures have been driven away (I think), we have plenty of stone crafts, and work has resumed at a normal pace. I'd say we are all set for the arrival of the caravan.

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Proper proofreading? Hah, that's for people who don't posts updates an hour before midnight! You know, go LPers. Not me.

A scimitar? That's a human-made weapon, right?

Internet Kraken:

vallorn:
any reason for the moat to not fill up? aside from it hating us of course.

The water seems to evaporate after reaching a certain point. This would mean that the water is somehow drying up faster than the rate at which it flows in. This seems absurd to me, but it's the only explanation other than the game becoming sentient and intentionally fucking with me. Water flowing in from 2 different sources should be enough to fill it. Otherwise I'm going to cut up the land surrounding Reveredtour carving dozens of new rivers.

You're in a bad-land (the same stuff the America west is made of) right?

The drainage (and heat) is too much for water. Use magma instead next time.

Ultratwinkie:

Internet Kraken:

vallorn:
any reason for the moat to not fill up? aside from it hating us of course.

The water seems to evaporate after reaching a certain point. This would mean that the water is somehow drying up faster than the rate at which it flows in. This seems absurd to me, but it's the only explanation other than the game becoming sentient and intentionally fucking with me. Water flowing in from 2 different sources should be enough to fill it. Otherwise I'm going to cut up the land surrounding Reveredtour carving dozens of new rivers.

You're in a bad-land (the same stuff the America west is made of) right?

The drainage (and heat) is too much for water. Use magma instead next time.

what if he covers the walls and floor in hard stone? wouldn't that reduce the drainage?

Aidinthel:
A scimitar? That's a human-made weapon, right?

Yes, it is. Many of the weapons in Reveredtour have been imported from the humans. Hence the abundance of bronze.

Ultratwinkie:

You're in a bad-land (the same stuff the America west is made of) right?

The drainage (and heat) is too much for water. Use magma instead next time.

Yeah, I figure that's the case. The liquid system in DF is pretty absurd sometimes. Water only starts to evaporate if it's at a depth of 1/7. So when the water reaches so far across the moat that it is 1/7 in depth, it instantly evaporates due to the heat. Multiple water sources should help with this problem.

Also you can't fill a magma moat with cave krakens and giant toads.

Actually, aboveground water evaporates at >1/7 if the climate is Hot or Scorching. What biome is Reveredtour in anyway?

Internet Kraken:

Nah, just fluff. The possible harm once could take from handling an object covered in spikes isn't accounted for by Dwarf Fortress. At least, not at the moment.

Nooooooooooo....don't tempt the Toady One!

And by the way, these Dwarven recipies are helping with my New Year's Resoloution. Every time I read one, it puts me off food for days.

vallorn:

Ultratwinkie:

Internet Kraken:

The water seems to evaporate after reaching a certain point. This would mean that the water is somehow drying up faster than the rate at which it flows in. This seems absurd to me, but it's the only explanation other than the game becoming sentient and intentionally fucking with me. Water flowing in from 2 different sources should be enough to fill it. Otherwise I'm going to cut up the land surrounding Reveredtour carving dozens of new rivers.

You're in a bad-land (the same stuff the America west is made of) right?

The drainage (and heat) is too much for water. Use magma instead next time.

what if he covers the walls and floor in hard stone? wouldn't that reduce the drainage?

Yes, it also stops aquifers from flooding your fortress.

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Speaking of Tallow though.

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This is also made from tallow. Looks almost good enough to ....eat?

Internet Kraken:

Also you can't fill a magma moat with cave krakens and giant toads.

You mean you haven't made any Lava Kraken yet?

The_root_of_all_evil:
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Speaking of Tallow though.

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This is also made from tallow. Looks almost good enough to ....eat?

Internet Kraken:

Also you can't fill a magma moat with cave krakens and giant toads.

You mean you haven't made any Lava Kraken yet?

lava kraken? lets not think about what those would do to Reverendtour if they were ingame.

also, if there are lakes underground couldnt you pump water up from them?

The_root_of_all_evil:

And by the way, these Dwarven recipies are helping with my New Year's Resoloution. Every time I read one, it puts me off food for days.

Then boy do I have an update for you!

General-Veok:
Actually, aboveground water evaporates at >1/7 if the climate is Hot or Scorching. What biome is Reveredtour in anyway?

The temperature is hot, which I guess explains why this moat is being such a pain in the ass. Still, I didn't think it would be downright impossible to get it to fill up.

Chapter 41: From the journal of Sibrek Atheltat

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4th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

I've been informed that I shall be serving as outpost liaison to the fortress known as Reveredtour. This is a direct order from Ishlumfeb, who claims she is too "busy" to visit the fort this year. Obviously she just doesn't want to go there again, but I'm not going to even bother pointing this out. It would do little good, and I would just end up heading to Reveredtour anyways. Not that I mind either. I take my job seriously, and unlike others will not hesitate to do what is expected from me.

29th Limestone, 1053, Early Autumn

I suppose I should reflect on my current opinion of Reveredtour before arriving there. Reveredtour has become well known in the capital, as it has become a thriving fortress despite its unfavorable location. Of course I feel that most of the reports on this fort aren't entirely accurate, mainly when it comes to its design. From what I can gather, it's an above ground fort. That alone is enough to bring about a whole list of OSHA violations, but I've heard that the fort is also built over the ocean. I'm struggling to think of how this is possible, but I'm guessing Reveredtour is a safety inspector's nightmare.

17th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

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Well after a long trek it seems that I have finally arrived. Initial inspections of the fort from the distance answer a few questions about its design. It's anchored into the side of a cliff, and has some supports holding it up on the shoreline. Of course it looks far from stable, and I'm not sure what's holding the end of it up. I'll have to examine it more closely when I get a chance.

Also the dwarves seem to have finished digging out a moat surrounding the fort. A sensible move from a defensive standpoint, however the moat has yet to be filled. This is a clear problem, as the measly drop is not enough to even substantially injury any trained combatant. A foe could potentially survive the drop and then run around in the moat harassing civilians for weeks.

19th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

Okay, that moat is the least of this fort's problems. After inspecting the fort from below, I realized that about half of it is being held up by nothing. The only reason it hasn't fallen apart is because it's connected to the rest of the fort, but you'd think that gravity would have a problem with that. Seriously, I'm worried that half of this place is going to plunge into the ocean at any moment.

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If someone were to remove those two tiles, the entire left half of the fort would collapse. This is one of the most glaring OSHA violations I have ever seen. How they managed to get away with building a fort like this is a testament to why more funding needs to be diverted to building inspection. I don't think this fort has ever received an inspection from a trained professional due to its distance from the capital.

20th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

My initial impression of Reveredtour continues to grow worse. As I entered the fort itself, I was greeted with the sight of several dwarves hauling bleached skeletons and severed body parts out of what appears to be a massive pile of dead dwarves. Because evidently, whoever runs this fort thought the first thing every visitor wants to see are dead bodies.

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I asked where the bodies were being hauled to, and fortunately was greeted with a sensible answer; a graveyard, which has only just now been built.

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Stonesense Version

Technically there's nothing wrong with this graveyard, however I did notice one thing about it that bothered me; it's built on top of the fort's hospital. I'm sure this must violate some kind of moral guideline, though I doubt anyone foresaw the potential for such disrespect for both the dead and living.

21st Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

I managed to track down the leader of this fort. It's Stinthad Kekimtobul, which honestly surprises me since I figured she would have been overthrown due to incompetence by now. But apparently she's done a good enough job to be elected for mayor. I don't know what kind of standards the dwarves living here have if they find her to be an acceptable leader. Also she's the fort's only doctor, a fact made even more distressing when you realize she has no formal medical training. I don't need to explain the problem with that.

I'm hoping to get this meeting done as soon as possible. My opinion about this fort as a violation of common sense and basic morals is already set in stone.

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24th Timber, 1053, Late Autumn

Stinthad led me into her "office", which is actually just a chair in the middle of the fort's dining hall. It's hardly a suitable place to work in. For some reason this dining hall was also coated in layer of dried blood and had several vulture skeletons lying around. Why? I have no idea, and wasn't about to ask. I'll just mark it down as another public health violation.

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Atheltat: "Alright, last year you requested a large quantity of...giant serrated disks?"
Stinthad: "Hey, I didn't want those! Goden did!"
Atheltat: "Whatever, do you want to continue that order?"
Stinthad: "Well Goden does so yes, however I also want to import something else."
Atheltat: "And that would be?"
Stinthad: "Sugar!"

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Atheltat: "...sugar?"
Stinthad: "Yes, sugar! That's one of the things Reveredtour is missing! Our cooking is great, but it does lack some ingredients. Mainly, sugar. Speaking of which, do you want to try some of Reveredtour's specialties? Rovod just made a fresh batch of elephant sweetbread roasts, stuffed with cave kraken tallow!"

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I declined the offer of food that is most likely infested with a dozen different parasites. Stinthad merely shrugged and got herself a few pieces, tearing into the disgusting meal with no hesitation. Though the majority of food she brought was feed to her massive pet cave crawler, which devoured every piece whole.

I'll avoid the chance of catching a foodborne illness and stick with a diet of plump helmets.

1st Moonstone, 1053, Early Winter

These past few days Kekimtobul hasn't been able to meet with me, as she has been "assisting" the dwarves in the hospital. Judging by the screams, she won't be done anytime soon. So I decided to take a look around this fort. I'm not sure why, maybe I want to further horrify myself with its clear disregard for safety. Speaking of which I saw some dwarves entering a tunnel outside the fort itself so I decided to see what they were doing. Upon entering the tunnel I was nearly swept away by a torrent of water.

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Looks like they're using this tunnel to fill the moat. They have also neglected to put up any warning whatsoever, meaning that some curious dwarf could wander down in there only to find themselves caught in the water and brought to certain doom. This fort is a death trap.

2nd Moonstone, 1053, Early Winter

Not only is this fort a hazard to your physical health, but I'd say it's dangerous for your mental health as well. Because many of the engravings in this place are disturbing, to say the least.

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This one in particular has some unfortunate implications behind it. Apparently all the engravings here were made by Goden Ducimtathtak, which explains the insanity. She's also evidently the sheriff of the fortress. So in case you weren't comfortable being led by an incompetent fool who is also your only doctor, the law of the fortress is an insane engraver.

3rd Moonstone, 1053, Early Winter

One of the dwarves is running around, claiming that he has the greatest idea ever. He keeps asking if certain materials are available, and were he can find them and a vacant workshop. Obviously he's experiencing a strange mood, thankfully of the more rational variety.

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However, I doubt this fort has what he needs. I'm willing to bet he will go insane before the year ends. Fortunately I won't be around to see the results of that.

9th Moonstone, 1053, Early Winter

An opportunity finally presented itself for me to finish my meeting with Stinthad. We sat back down in the grime covered dining room to finalize the trade agreements. It was difficult to find a place to set down the documents that wouldn't cause them to be stained with vulture blood. Stinthad brought some disgusting meal with her. I couldn't even figure out what had been used to make it.

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She asked if I wanted some, an offer which I immediately declined as I'd hardly consider this slop to be fine cuisine, let alone something remotely edible. Instead I decided to focus on getting this meeting over with.

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I informed her of the capital's current demand for backpacks, and subsequently the demand for leather to make more backpacks. She said she would see what she could do, but told me that all leather in Reveredtour was reserved for building bucklers. She seems obsessed with the things for no reason. It's like there's something in all the food here that deteriorates the brains of the dwarves and there's them into a bunch of senseless loons.

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And with that I am finally done with this wretched place. I can see why Ishlumfeb got me to go here instead of her. This fort is horribly designed, disorganized, filthy, and liable to fall apart at any moment. The leader can't even fill a moat, let alone keep a population of over 60 dwarves safe. But sadly nothing can be done about this mess. Any normal fort would be shut down due to the horrifying list of OSHA violations, but Reveredtour is "special". It's a pet project of the general, and he won't let anyone interfere with it. If he wants to keep this idiotic mess running that's his problem, but nobody better expect me to come to this nightmare again next year.

__________________________________________________

If the patients didn't want the graveyard built above the hospital they should've died somewhere else.

Since I'm an idiot, I've requested the help of people who are actually good at the game to get the moat to fill up. Feel free to pitch your own ideas to, ideally ones that don't involve pumps since I'm terrible with them.

Internet Kraken:
Since I'm an idiot, I've requested the help of people who are actually good at the game to get the moat to fill up. Feel free to pitch your own ideas to, ideally ones that don't involve pumps since I'm terrible with them.

Urists first law of pumps. 'They pump water faster then it can flow.' Do you not see the potential? Experts have built perpetual motion machines based on this law, use pumps. They work.

...or you could try building the pit so that it slopes downwards. Then it will quickly fill the lowest layer, overflow, fill the higher layer, overflow, and so on. This is me assuming water evaporates slower in larger amounts.

feather240:

Internet Kraken:
Since I'm an idiot, I've requested the help of people who are actually good at the game to get the moat to fill up. Feel free to pitch your own ideas to, ideally ones that don't involve pumps since I'm terrible with them.

Urists first law of pumps. 'They pump water faster then it can flow.' Do you not see the potential? Experts have built perpetual motion machines based on this law, use pumps. They work.

...or you could try building the pit so that it slopes downwards. Then it will quickly fill the lowest layer, overflow, fill the higher layer, overflow, and so on. This is me assuming water evaporates slower in larger amounts.

Water actually stops evaporating once it reaches a certain amount, so you're correct. Anyways, the vast majority seems to think that pumps is the best option however I'm an idiot when it comes to pumps so I'm going to try some other things first.

Internet Kraken:

feather240:

Internet Kraken:
Since I'm an idiot, I've requested the help of people who are actually good at the game to get the moat to fill up. Feel free to pitch your own ideas to, ideally ones that don't involve pumps since I'm terrible with them.

Urists first law of pumps. 'They pump water faster then it can flow.' Do you not see the potential? Experts have built perpetual motion machines based on this law, use pumps. They work.

...or you could try building the pit so that it slopes downwards. Then it will quickly fill the lowest layer, overflow, fill the higher layer, overflow, and so on. This is me assuming water evaporates slower in larger amounts.

Water actually stops evaporating once it reaches a certain amount, so you're correct. Anyways, the vast majority seems to think that pumps is the best option however I'm an idiot when it comes to pumps so I'm going to try some other things first.

But not knowing anything about pumps makes them so much more Fun, and you don't want to make the HFS without FUN stuff do you?

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